Comparative Constitutional Analysis, Part Two

And now for part two, where I finish the analysis and find out what we learn from it.

ARTICLE II Section 1 1. The executive power shall be vested in a President of the Confederate States of America. He and the Vice President shall hold their offices for the term of six years; but the President shall not be reeligible. The President and Vice President shall be elected as follows:

ARTICLE II Section 1 1. The Executive power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America. He shall hold office during the term of four years, and together with the Vice President, chosen for the same term, be elected as follows:

“And the Vice President” and “chosen for the same term” are basically a phrasing difference, so I will not discuss it here. The term limit thing is an interesting one, and was likely put in place in order to decrease the incentive to do things that will get you re-elected but are bad for the country. The longer single term, of course, is supposed to make up for the lack of re-election.

2. Each State shall appoint, in such manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a number of electors equal to the whole number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress; but no Senator or Representative or person holding an office of trust or profit under the Confederate States shall be appointed an elector. The electors shall meet in their respective States and vote by ballot for President and Vice President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same State with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as president, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice President, and they shall make distinct lists of all persons voted for as President, and of all persons voted for as Vice President, and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit, sealed, to the seat of the Government of the Confederate States, directed to the President of the Senate; the President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates, and the votes shall then be counted; the person having the greatest number of votes for President shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers, not exceeding three, on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President the votes shall be taken by States, the representation from each State having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the States, and a majority of all the States shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President, whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the 4th day of March next following, then the Vice President shall act as President, as in case of the death, or other constitutional disability of the President.   4. The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice President shall be the Vice President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed; and if no person have a majority, then, from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice.   5. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice President of the Confederate States.

2. Each State shall appoint, in such manner as the Legislature may direct, a number of electors, equal to the whole number of Senators and Representatives to which the State may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or person holding an office of trust or profit under the United States, shall be appointed an elector. The electors shall meet in their respective States, and vote by ballot for two persons, of whom one at least shall not be an inhabitant of the same State with themselves. And they shall make a list of all the persons voted for each; which list they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of Government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate. The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates, and the votes shall then be counted. The person having the greatest number of votes shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed; and if there be more than one who have such majority, and have an equal number of votes, then the House of Representatives shall immediately choose by ballot one of them for President; and if no person have a majority, then from the five highest on the list the said House shall in like manner choose the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by States, the representation from each State having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the States, and a majority of all the States shall be necessary to a choice. In every case, after the choice of the President, the person having the greatest number of votes of the electors shall be the Vice President. But if there should remain two or more who have equal votes, the Senate shall choose from them by ballot the Vice President.(The clause in italics was superseded by Amendment XII) Amendment XII 1. The Electors shall meet in their respective States and vote by ballot for President and Vice-President, one of whom, at least, shall not be an inhabitant of the same State with themselves; they shall name in their ballots the person voted for as President, and in distinct ballots the person voted for as Vice-President,           and of the number of votes for each, which lists they shall sign and certify, and transmit sealed to the seat of the Government of the United States, directed to the President of the Senate; the President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted; The person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed; and if no person have such majority, then from the persons having the highest numbers not exceeding three on the list of those voted for as President, the House of Representatives shall choose immediately, by ballot, the President. But in choosing the President, the votes shall be taken by States, the representation from each State having one vote; a quorum for this purpose shall consist of a member or members from two-thirds of the States, and a majority of all the States shall be necessary to a choice. And if the House of Representatives shall not choose a President whenever the right of choice shall devolve upon them, before the fourth day of March next following, then the Vice-President shall act as President, as in case of the death or other constitutional disability of the President.   3. The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such numbers be a majority of the whole number of electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice.   But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States.

The differences between these two sections are almost entirely the result of the Confederate constitution incorporating the Twelfth Amendment, which changed the way electoral ballots worked after Aaron Burr nearly got elected president instead of Thomas Jefferson, into the original document rather than having it as an amendment. The other differences are copyediting ones.

6. The Congress may determine the time of choosing the electors, and the day on which they shall give their votes; which day shall be the same throughout the Confederate States.

3. The Congress may determine the time of choosing the electors, and the day on which they shall give their votes; which day shall be the same throughout the United States.

No difference.

7. No person except a natural-born citizen of the Confederate States, or a citizen thereof at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, or a citizen thereof born in the United States prior to the 20th of December, 1860, shall be eligible to the office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained the age of thirty-five years, and been fourteen years a resident within the limits of the Confederate States, as they may exist at the time of his election.

4. No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained to the age of thirty-five years, and been fourteen years a resident within the United States.

It’s pretty obvious here that the additions made in the Confederate constitution were the result of the drafters anticipating that other states would join them, and wanting to make sure that if they did so no one would try and challenge the constitutional eligibility of one of their inhabitants to be President.

8. In case of the removal of the President from office, or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the powers and duties of said office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President; and the Congress may, by law, provide for the case of removal, death, resignation, or inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what officer shall then act as President; and such officer shall act accordingly until the disability be removed or a President shall be elected. 9. The President shall, at stated times, receive for his services a compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the period for which he shall have been elected; and he shall not receive within that period any other emolument from the Confederate States, or any of them.   10. Before he enters on the execution of his office he shall take the following oath or affirmation: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the Confederate States, and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution thereof.   Section 2 1. The President shall be Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy of the Confederate States, and of the militia of the several States, when called into the actual service of the Confederate States; he may require the opinion, in writing, of the principal officer in each of the Executive Departments, upon any subject relating to the duties of their respective offices; and he shall have power to grant reprieves and pardons for offenses against the Confederate States, except in cases of impeachment.   2. He shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make treaties; provided two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the advice and consent of the Senate shall appoint, ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, judges of the Supreme Court, and all other officers of the Confederate States whose appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by law; but the Congress may, by law, vest the appointment of such inferior officers, as they think proper, in the President alone, in the courts of law, or in the heads of departments.   3. The principal officer in each of the Executive Departments, and all persons connected with the diplomatic service, may be removed from office at the pleasure of the President. All other civil officers of the Executive Departments may be removed at any time by the President, or other appointing power, when their services are unnecessary, or for dishonesty, incapacity. Inefficiency, misconduct, or neglect of duty; and when so removed, the removal shall be reported to the Senate, together with the reasons thereof.

5 . In case of the removal of the President from office, or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President, and the Congress may by law provide for the case of removal, death, resignation, or inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what officer shall then act as President, and such officer shall act accordingly, until the disability be removed, or a President shall be elected.   6. The President shall, at stated times, receive for his services, a compensation, which shall neither be increased nor diminished during the period for which he shall have been elected, and he shall not receive within that period any other emolument from the United States, or any of them.   7. Before he enter on the execution of his office, he shall take the following oath or affirmation: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of the President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”   Section 2 1. The President shall be Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the militia of the several States, when called into the actual service of the United States; he may require the opinion, in writing, of the principal officer in each of the executive departments, upon any subject relating to the duties of their respective offices, and he shall have power to grant reprieves and pardons for offenses against the United States, except in cases of impeachment.   2. He shall have power, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, to make treaties, provided two-thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the advice and consent of the Senate, shall appoint ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, judges of the Supreme Court, and all other officers of the United States, whose appointments are not herein otherwise provided for, and which shall be established by law: but the Congress may by law vest the appointment of such inferior officers, as they think proper, in the President alone, in the courts of law, or in the heads of departments.

It’s all minor copyediting differences until we get to the addition of clause three in section two, which is very interesting, because the Confederates put into their Constitution exactly how much power the President had over the executive branch. Essentially, he could fire cabinet officials and diplomats at will, but had to have a reason to fire anyone else, and had to report said firing and the reasoning behind it to the senate. I don’t know that I would call it a limitation on presidential power, exactly, since it doesn’t indicate that the Senate can do anything about it if they don’t like it. Also, again, note that this involves making the national authority more accountable to the body that represents the states.

4. The President shall have power to fill all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the Senate, by granting commissions which shall expire at the end of their next session; but no person rejected by the Senate shall be reappointed to the same office during their ensuing recess.

3. The President shall have the power to fill up all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the Senate, by granting commissions, which shall expire at the end of their next session.

Again, the addition here is a limitation on the power of the executive, this time preventing him from making an end run around the Senate when they don’t like a candidate and vote them down. Once again, note that this diminishes the power of the most national office, that of the President to go against the will of the part of the government that represents the states.

Section 3 The President shall, from time to time, give to the Congress information of the state of the Confederacy,  and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them; and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the Confederate States.   Section 4 The President, Vice President, and all civil officers of the Confederate States, shall be removed from office on impeachment for and conviction of treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.   ARTICLE III Section I The judicial power of the Confederate States shall be vested in one Supreme Court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may, from time to time, ordain and establish. The judges, both of the Supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behavior, and shall, at stated times, receive for their services a compensation which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office.

Section 3 He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the Union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he may receive ambassadors, and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the United States.     Section 4 The President, Vice President, and all civil officers of the United States, shall be removed from office on impeachment for, and conviction of, treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.   Article III Section 1 The judicial power of the United States, shall be vested in one supreme court, and in such inferior courts as the Congress may, from time to time, ordain and establish. The judges, both of the supreme and inferior courts, shall hold their offices during good behaviour, and shall, at stated times, receive for their services a compensation, which shall not be diminished during their continuance in office.

No difference, aside from some minor copyediting in Article II, Section III

Section 2 1. The judicial power shall extend to all cases arising under this Constitution, the laws of the Confederate States, and treaties made, or which shall be made, under their authority; to all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls; to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction; to controversies to which the Confederate States shall be a party; to controversies between two or more States; between a State and citizens of another State, where the State is plaintiff; between citizens claiming lands under grants of different States; and between a State or the citizens thereof, and foreign states, citizens, or subjects; but no State shall be sued by a citizen or subject of any foreign state.

Section 2 1. The judicial power shall extend to all cases, in law and equity, arising under this constitution, the laws of the United States, and treaties made, or which shall be made under their authority; to all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls; to all cases of admiralty and maritime jurisdiction; to controversies to which the United States shall be a party; to controversies between two or more states, between a state and Citizens of another state, between Citizens of different states, between Citizens of the same state, claiming lands under grants of different states, and between a state, or the Citizens thereof, and foreign states, Citizens or subjects. (This section modified by Amendment XI)   XI: The judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by citizens of another State, or by citizens or subjects of any foreign state.

Most of the differences between the Confederate and US constitutions in this section are due to the Confederate constitution incorporating the 11^th Amendment directly into the original rather than having it as an amendment. The omission of “in law and equity” is a curious one, however, and I’m not sure why they left it out.

2. In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a State shall be a party, the Supreme Court shall have original jurisdiction. In all the other cases before mentioned, the Supreme Court shall have appellate jurisdiction both as to law and fact, with such exceptions and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.   3. The trial of all crimes, except in cases of impeachment, shall be by jury, and such trial shall be held in the State where the said crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any State, the trial shall be at such place or places as the Congress may by law have directed.   Section 3 1. Treason against the Confederate States shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.   2. The Congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason; but no attainder of treason shall work corruption of blood, or forfeiture, except during the life of the person attainted.   ARTICLE IV Section 1 Full faith and credit shall be given in each State to the public acts, records, and judicial proceedings of every other State; and the Congress may, by general laws, prescribe the manner in which such acts, records, and proceedings shall be proved, and the effect thereof.

2. In all cases affecting ambassadors, other public ministers and consuls, and those in which a state shall be a party, the supreme court shall have original jurisdiction. In all the other cases before-mentioned, the supreme court shall have appellate jurisdiction, both as to law and fact, with such exceptions, and under such regulations as the Congress shall make.   3. The trial of all crimes, except in cases of impeachment, shall be by jury; and such trial shall be held in the state where the said crimes shall have been committed; but when not committed within any state, the trial shall be at such place or places as the Congress may by law have directed.   Section 3 1. Treason against the United States shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort. No person shall be convicted of treason unless on the testimony of two witnesses to the same overt act, or on confession in open court.   2. The Congress shall have power to declare the punishment of treason, but no attainder of treason shall work corruption of blood, or forfeiture, except during the life of the person attainted.   ARTICLE IV Section 1 Full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts, records and judicial proceedings of every other state. And the Congress may by general laws prescribe the manner in which such acts, records and proceedings shall be proved, and the effect thereof.

No difference.

Section 2 1. The citizens of each State shall be entitled to all the privileges and immunities of citizens in the several States; and shall have the right of transit and sojourn in any State of this Confederacy, with their slaves and other property; and the right of property in said slaves shall not be thereby impaired.

Section 2 1. The Citizens of each state shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of Citizens in the several states.

And, once again, the right to own slaves is enshrined in the Confederate constitution, even at the expense of states’ rights—within the Confederacy, a state literally could not decide to ban slavery within its borders, a position that was a step too far even for Roger Taney, author of the infamous Dred Scot v. Sanford. Given that almost every other change to the Confederate constitution either directly or indirectly enhances state power, that this is one of the few things it specifically prohibits states from doing that the US Constitution does not forbid states to do is extraordinarily telling.

2. A person charged in any State with treason, felony, or other crime against the laws of such State, who shall flee from justice, and be found in another State, shall, on demand of the executive authority of the State from which he fled, be delivered up, to be removed to the State having jurisdiction of the crime.

2. A person charged in any state with treason, felony, or other crime, who shall flee justice, and be found in another state, shall, on demand of the executive authority of the state from which he fled, be delivered up, to be removed to the state having jurisdiction of the crime.

The addition here doesn’t really add anything to the clause, other than perhaps put extra emphasis on the states.

3. No slave or other person held to service or labor in any State or Territory of the Confederate States, under the laws thereof, escaping or lawfully carried into another, shall, in consequence of any law or regulation therein, be discharged from such service or labor; but shall be delivered up on claim of the party to whom such slave belongs, Or to whom such service or labor may be due.

3. No person held to service or labour in one state, under the laws thereof, escaping into another, shall, in consequence of any law or regulation therein, be discharged from such service or labour, but shall be delivered up on claim of the party to whom such service or labour may be due.

Once again, the Confederate constitution states plainly what the US constitution euphemizes, while still including the original language, as if to emphasize that under the Confederate constitution slaves are bound to their masters.

Section 3 1. Other States may be admitted into this Confederacy by a vote of two-thirds of the whole House of Representatives and two-thirds of the Senate, the Senate voting by States; but no new State shall be formed or erected within the jurisdiction of any other State, nor any State be formed by the junction of two or more States, or parts of States, without the consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned, as well as of the Congress.

Section 3 1. New states may be admitted by the Congress into this union; but no new state shall be formed or erected within the jurisdiction of any other state, nor any state be formed by the junction of two or more states, without the consent of the legislatures of the states concerned, as well as of the Congress.

The addition here is a procedural one, but once again we see the emphasis on the states come out—it is not that two-thirds of the senators must assent, but that two-thirds of the state delegations to the Senate must assent, which is a rather different matter.

2. The Congress shall have power to dispose of and make all needful rules and regulations concerning the property of the Confederate States, including the lands thereof.

2. The Congress shall have power to dispose of and make all needful rules and regulations respecting the territory or other property belonging to the United States; and nothing in this constitution shall be so construed as to prejudice any claims of the United States, or of any particular state.

The deletion here is peculiar, and I don’t know why it occurred.

3. The Confederate States may acquire new territory; and Congress shall have power to legislate and provide governments for the inhabitants of all territory belonging to the Confederate States, lying without the limits of the several States; and may permit them, at such times, and in such manner as it may by law provide, to form States to be admitted into the Confederacy. In all such territory the institution of negro slavery, as it now exists in the Confederate States, shall be recognized and protected be Congress and by the Territorial government; and the inhabitants of the several Confederate States and Territories shall have the right to take to such Territory any slaves lawfully held by them in any of the States or Territories of the Confederate States.

This clause has no equivalent in the US constitution, and I suspect was put in due to the very brief controversy over whether or not the Louisiana Purchase was constitutional. And, once again, we see that the Confederacy enshrines the practice of “negro slavery,” specifically, in its Constitution. No Missouri Compromise here—where the Confederate flag flies, slavery will be there also.

4. The Confederate States shall guarantee to every State that now is, or hereafter may become, a member of this Confederacy, a republican form of government; and shall protect each of them against invasion; and on application of the Legislature or of the Executive (when the Legislature is not in session) against domestic violence.

Section 4 The United States shall guarantee to every state in this union, a republican form of government, and shall protect each of them against invasion; and on application of the legislature, or of the executive (when the legislature cannot be convened), against domestic violence.

The addition here, of course, is obviously an attempt to assuage the fears of those states who might want to join the Confederacy later that the CSA would not leave them high and dry if the North decided to try and bring them back into the fold.

The change from “cannot be convened” to “is not in session” is an interesting one, and while certainly not a diminution of state power, since a governor represents his state as much as the legislature does, it does bespeak more of a concern about speedy response to insurrection, since in the US constitution a governor must be able to show that the legislature cannot come together to ask for intervention, while in the Confederate constitution he need only show that the legislature is not currently meeting. I suspect this had to do with fears of slave revolts.

ARTICLE V Upon the demand of any three States, legally assembled in their several conventions, the Congress shall summon a convention of all the States, to take into consideration such amendments to the Constitution as the said States shall concur in suggesting at the time when the said demand is made; and should any of the proposed amendments to the Constitution be agreed on by the said convention, voting by States, and the same be ratified by the Legislatures of two- thirds of the several States, or by conventions in two-thirds thereof, as the one or the other mode of ratification may be proposed by the general convention, they shall thenceforward form a part of this Constitution. But no State shall, without its consent, be deprived of its equal representation in the Senate.

Article V The Congress, whenever two-thirds of both houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose amendments to this constitution, or on the application of the legislatures of two-thirds of the several states, shall call a convention for proposing amendments, which , in either case, shall be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of this constitution, when ratified by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several states, or by conventions in three-fourths thereof, as the one or the other mode of ratification may be proposed by the Congress: Provided, that no amendment which may be made prior to the year 1808, shall in any manner affect the first and fourth clauses in the ninth section of the first article; and that no state, without its consent, shall be deprived of its equal suffrage in the Senate.

The differences between the amendment process for the two constitutions once again sees the Confederate constitution decreasing the power of the national government and increasing that of the individual states, and, oddly, decreasing the difficulty of amending it. Not only does the national government have no power to propose amendments nor any power to control how ratification is decided, but it only takes three states agreeing that an amendment is necessary for a convention to be called, rather than two-thirds of all the states agreeing. Further, the method of ratification, whether by legislature or by state convention, is to be decided by said convention.

However, it is also easier to amend the Confederate constitution—only two-thirds of the states are required to assent to an amendment before it becomes law, whereas in the US constitution it is three-quarters of the states. This is rather surprising, honestly, and I’m not sure why it’s the case.

ARTICLE VI 1. The Government established by this Constitution is the successor of the Provisional Government of the Confederate States of America, and all the laws passed by the latter shall continue in force until the same shall be repealed or modified; and all the officers appointed by the same shall remain in office until their successors are appointed and qualified, or the offices abolished.   2. All debts contracted and engagements entered into before the adoption of this Constitution shall be as valid against the Confederate States under this Constitution, as under the Provisional Government.   3. This Constitution, and the laws of the Confederate States made in pursuance thereof, and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the Confederate States, shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every State shall be bound thereby, anything in the constitution or laws of any State to the contrary notwithstanding.   4. The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial officers, both of the Confederate States and of the several States, shall be bound by oath or affirmation to support this Constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the confederate States.   5. The enumeration, in the Constitution, of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people of the several States.   6. The powers not delegated to the Confederate States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States, respectively, or to the people thereof.

Article VI                     1. All debts contracted and engagements entered into, before the adoption of this constitution, shall be as valid against the United States under this constitution, as under the confederation. 2. This constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof; and all treaties made, or which shall be made, under the authority of the United States shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, any thing in the constitution or laws of any state to the contrary notwithstanding.   3. The senators and representatives before-mentioned, and the members of the several state legislatures, and all executive and judicial officers, both of the United States and of the several states, shall be bound by oath or affirmation, to support this constitution; but no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.     IX – The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.     X – The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

The addition of the first clause in Article Six of the Confederate constitution was almost certainly included to avoid any wrangling over the legitimacy of the new government; meanwhile, clauses five and six are the result of the incorporation of the Ninth and Tenth amendments into the original body of the constitution rather than having them as amendments. The only change there is the inclusion of the phrase “of the several states,” harkening back to the “compact theory” of the US Constitution discussed back in part one.

ARTICLE VII 1. The ratification of the conventions of five States shall be sufficient for the establishment of this Constitution between the States so ratifying the same.   2. When five States shall have ratified this Constitution, in the manner before specified, the Congress under the Provisional Constitution shall prescribe the time for holding the election of President and Vice President; and for the meeting of the Electoral College; and for counting the votes, and inaugurating the President. They shall, also, prescribe the time for holding the first election of members of Congress under this Constitution, and the time for assembling the same. Until the assembling of such Congress, the Congress under the Provisional Constitution shall continue to exercise the legislative powers granted them; not extending beyond the time limited by the Constitution of the Provisional Government.

Article VII The ratification of the conventions of nine states, shall be sufficient for the establishment of this constitution between the states so ratifying the same.

When one remembers that at the time of adoption of each constitution the Confederacy had seven states and the United States had thirteen, one sees just how slavishly the Montgomery convention copied the one in Philadelphia—five out of seven is almost exactly the same percentage as nine out of thirteen.

The second clause is purely procedural.

Conclusion

So, having now gone through and looked at all of the differences between the US and Confederate Constitutions, what have we learned?

Well, to begin with, the old joke about “states’ rights to what?” actually does have an answer besides “to allow slavery,” although that mostly boils down to “the right to tell the national government where to get off.”

There’s also the fact that these guys really are procedural sticklers—a lot of the additions are meant to make it more difficult to sneak things by either Congress or the Presidency.

And yes, these guys actually did care about protective tariffs and nationally-funded internal improvements—they cared so much that they specifically prohibited both, but also cared about states’ rights enough that they also specifically wrote in that states could collaborate on them if they wanted to.

However.

The fact is that the Confederate constitution specifically enshrines slavery, specifically the slavery of black people, multiple times, and makes it very clear that trying to get rid of it is the one thing that the US constitution arguably allows states to do that the Confederate constitution absolutely prohibits, and the Confederate constitution does so every single chance that it gets.

Furthermore, none of the changes that actually make some sense are in any way worth splitting up a country, even when you add all of them up together. Imagine the utter ludicrousness of starting a chain of events almost guaranteed to lead to war over whether or not the President should have the power of the line-item veto or whether some portion of your tax dollars should pay for a road in another state. The mind boggleth.

Therefore, a comparative analysis of the Confederate and US constitutions tells us something that should be intuitive. Yes, the 1860-1861 secession and the resultant war were not caused by just the slavery issue—it was an event involving millions of people, of course they weren’t all motivated by any one thing.  However, the likelihood that, absent the slavery issue, the South would have attempted to secede or that there would have been any kind of broad-based support for secession is somewhere between slim and none.

If even that was TL;DR for you, the one sentence summary is this: the mainstream “slavery caused the Civil War” narrative is insufficiently nuanced but is basically correct.

See y’all next time.

Comparative Constitutional Analysis, Part One

Yes, back again. I’ve been holding off on this post and the next one for a little while, mostly because it seemed appropriate to release them close to the anniversary of the beginning of American Civil War.

Why?

Because these posts are going to be a comparative analysis of the US and Confederate constitutions, that’s why.

Now, an explanation is in order here. I’ve always heard that the Confederate Constitution was basically the US Constitution, just with slavery specifically mentioned, enshrined, and protected. Out of curiosity, I decided to see if that was so. Fortunately, the secessionists in Montgomery believed in “work smarter, not harder,” so there aren’t any formatting differences, and everything is basically in the same order.

And the thing is, this gets to why this kind of analysis is actually useful—the seceding states thought the basic system of governance was fine, they just thought it needed some tweaking and that said tweaking wasn’t going to happen as long as they were part of the USA. As a result, looking at the changes made to the basic governing document of the new polity can tell us a lot about what the secessionists thought was important, which can tell us a lot about why they decided to secede to begin with.

The Confederate constitution is on the left, the US constitution (as of 1861) is on the right. All parts of the former not found in the latter are highlighted in grey; all parts of the latter not found in the former are highlighted in blue, with the exception of the titles of the various articles and sections, which I have removed from the US constitution to make for easier reading and comparison. Without further ado, let’s begin.

Preamble We, the people of the Confederate States, each State acting in its sovereign and independent character, in order to form a permanent federal government, establish justice, insure domestic tranquillity, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Confederate States of America.

Preamble We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

This whole thing is kind of fascinating, and gets to some of the theoretical debate surrounding the US Constitution that led to people thinking that secession was a legitimate option.

The deliberate inclusion of “each state acting in its sovereign and independent character” is an enshrinement of what was referred to as “compact theory,” which was the idea that the US Constitution was a “compact” between the states, and as a result, if some of those states didn’t like it, they could leave and the other states would have no right to stop them.

I should note here that secession then was not as unthinkable as it is today; while the 1814 Hartford Convention, held in New England as a result of the War of 1812, disavowed secession, the topic was discussed there, and William Lloyd Garrison proposed that the free states secede from the slave states so as not to be tainted by association. The notion that secession was a legitimate possibility was certainly a minority viewpoint even at the time, but it would be the Civil War that would render it the province of the lunatic fringe.

Then, of course, we have “more perfect Union” versus “permanent federal government.” The reason why this is an important difference is because of how the word “federal” was used. In those days, and in the days of Madison, Washington, and Jefferson, the idea of “federal” government meant divided government, that is, between the national government and the state governments, rather than a term for the national government of the United States. In other words, the secessionists believed that the US constitution, with its emphasis on the singular union, had too much of an emphasis on national authority and an insufficient respect for state authority—which was a claim that was not out of the mainstream, was one of the main bones of contention during the ratification process, and was one of the big debates in the early days of the republic.  

A curious deletion in the Confederate constitution is that of “common defense” and “general welfare”—while it is possible that the secessionists were just massive jerks, I find this to be a somewhat dubious reason for the deletion. I suspect that it was a way to emphasize the “divided” nature of the Confederate polity.

The final difference is that the Confederate preamble contains an explicit appeal to God; Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address expresses my thoughts on the illegitimacy of said appeal quite well. At any rate, said appeal was probably included here for political reasons.

Article I Section I All legislative powers herein delegated shall be vested in a Congress of the Confederate States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.

Article I Section 1 All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.

The only difference here is between “delegated” and “granted,” which is fairly minor definitionally, but the words do have very different connotations—something that is “delegated” to someone is usually understood to be a temporary possession, whereas a grant is usually understood to be permanent.

Section 2 1. The House of Representatives shall be composed of members chosen every second year by the people of the several States; and the electors in each State shall be citizens of the Confederate States, and have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State Legislature; but no person of foreign birth, not a citizen of the Confederate States, shall be allowed to vote for any officer, civil or political, State or Federal.

Section 2 1. The House of Representatives shall be composed of members chosen every second year by the people of the several States, and the elector in each State shall have the qualifications requisite for electors of the most numerous branch of the State Legislature.

Worth noting here is that the Confederate constitution explicitly bars non-citizens from voting, while the US constitution does not. I am not entirely sure why.

2. No person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained the age of twenty-five years, and be a citizen of the Confederate States, and who shall not when elected, be an inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.

2. No person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained the age of twenty-five years, and been seven years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an inhabitant of that State in which he shall be chosen.

There is no minimum time of citizenship in the Confederate constitution; this was likely to have been an attempt to prevent any kind of weird nonsense resulting from someone making an issue of the fact that the Confederacy had only been in existence for a few months.

3. Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several States, which may be included within this Confederacy, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three-fifths of all slaves. The actual enumeration shall be made within three years after the first meeting of the Congress of the Confederate States, and within every subsequent term of ten years, in such manner as they shall by law direct. The number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every fifty thousand, but each State shall have at least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of South Carolina shall be entitled to choose six; the State of Georgia ten; the State of Alabama nine; the State of Florida two; the State of Mississippi seven; the State of Louisiana six; and the State of Texas six.

3. Representatives and direct taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective numbers, which shall be determined by adding the whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three-fifths of all other persons. The actual enumeration shall be made within three years after the first meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent term of ten years, in such manner as they shall by law direct. The number of Representatives shall not exceed one for every thirty thousand, but each State shall have at least one Representative; and until such enumeration shall be made, the State of New Hampshire shall be entitled to choose three, Massachusetts eight, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations one, Connecticut five, New York six, New Jersey four, Pennsylvania eight, Delaware one, Maryland six, Virginia ten, North Carolina five, South Carolina five, and Georgia three.

This section contains two fascinating differences. The first is the clearest—whereas the US constitution euphemizes the matter, the Confederate constitution flat-out states that the people counted as 3/5 of a person for the purposes of representation and taxation are the slaves. One wonders why they included this; I suspect it was because the secessionists were hoping to attract the Upper South, which had a lower percentage of slaves in its population than the Lower South.

Also interesting is the decrease in the maximum number of representatives that can be in the lower house; under the US constitution, theoretically, three hundred thousand people could be represented by ten congressmen, while in the Confederate constitution they could only be represented by six people. It’s an explicitly less democratic provision, and it’s not surprising—South Carolina, for example, did not allocate its presidential electors according to the popular vote until 1856.

The third difference isn’t particularly interesting, because it’s an enumeration of the number of representatives each state gets until they hold a census, and since each polity started with different states it’s just naturally going to be different.

4. When vacancies happen in the representation from any State the executive authority thereof shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies.

4. When vacancies happen in the representation from any State, the Executive Authority thereof shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies.

No difference here, which is unsurprising.

5. The House of Representatives shall choose their Speaker and other officers; and shall have the sole power of impeachment; except that any judicial or other Federal officer, resident and acting solely within the limits of any State, may be impeached by a vote of two-thirds of both branches of the Legislature thereof.

5. The House of Representatives shall choose their Speaker and other officers; and shall have the sole power of impeachment.

The added portion in the Confederate constitution is extremely interesting, because it’s explicitly a way for states to get rid of agents of the national government that they take a sufficient dislike to. It’s a provision to defend state sovereignty against encroaching national authority, one that encourages the national government to not be completely obnoxious while also making sure that officials couldn’t be removed from office just because they happened to anger some big shot. Still, it’s pretty easy to see how this provision could cause a lot of problems even, or especially, when the national authority was engaged in legitimate intervention.

Section 3 1. The Senate of the Confederate States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, chosen for six years by the Legislature thereof, at the regular session next immediately preceding the commencement of the term of service; and each Senator shall have one vote.

Section 3 1. The Senate of the United States shall be composed of two Senators from each State, chosen by the Legislature thereof, for six years; and each Senator shall have one vote.

I’m not sure why the Confederate constitution explicitly says when the state legislatures may choose their senators while the US constitution does not; perhaps to prevent shenanigans wherein a faction might call for a snap legislative session, wait until a quorum where they had a majority was achieved, then hold a vote so their boy could be the senator?

2. Immediately after they shall be assembled, in consequence of the first election, they shall be divided as equally as may be into three classes. The seats of the Senators of the first class shall be vacated at the expiration of the second year; of the second class at the expiration of the fourth year; and of the third class at the expiration of the sixth year; so that one-third may be chosen every second year; and if vacancies happen by resignation, or other wise, during the recess of the Legislature of any State, the Executive thereof may make temporary appointments until the next meeting of the Legislature, which shall then fill such vacancies.

2. Immediately after they shall be assembled in consequence of the first election, they shall be divided as equally as may be into three classes. The seats of the Senators of the first class shall be vacated at the expiration of the second year, of the second class at the expiration of the fourth year, and of the third class at the expiration of the sixth year, so that one-third may be chosen every second year; and if vacancies happen by resignation, or otherwise, during the recess of the Legislature of any State, the Executive thereof may make temporary appointments until the next meeting of the Legislature, which shall then fill such vacancies.

No difference.

3. No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained the age of thirty years, and be a citizen of the Confederate States; and who shall not, then elected, be an inhabitant of the State for which he shall be chosen.

3. No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the age of thirty years, and been nine years a Citizen of the United States, and who shall not, when elected, be an inhabitant of that State for which he shall be chosen.

Again, the only difference between the two clauses is that that the Confederate constitution lacks a minimum time requirement on citizenship.

4. The Vice President of the Confederate States shall be president of the Senate, but shall have no vote unless they be equally divided.   5. The Senate shall choose their other officers; and also a president pro tempore in the absence of the Vice President, or when he shall exercise the office of President of the Confederate states.   6. The Senate shall have the sole power to try all impeachments. When sitting for that purpose, they shall be on oath or affirmation. When the President of the Confederate States is tried, the Chief Justice shall preside; and no person shall be convicted without the concurrence of two-thirds of the members present.   7. Judgment in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from office, and disqualification to hold any office of honor, trust, or profit under the Confederate States; but the party convicted shall, nevertheless, be liable and subject to indictment, trial, judgment, and punishment according to law.

4. The Vice-President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no vote, unless they be equally divided.   5. The Senate shall choose their other officers, and also a President pro tempore, in the absence of the Vice President, or when he shall exercise the office of the President of the United States.   6. The Senate shall have the sole power to try all impeachments. When sitting for that purpose, they shall be on oath or affirmation. When the President of the United States is tried, the Chief Justice shall preside: and no person shall be convicted without the concurrence of two-thirds of the members present.   7. Judgement in cases of impeachment shall not extend further than to removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor, trust, or profit under the United States: but the party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to indictment, trial, judgement and punishment, according to law.

No difference.

Section 4 1. The times, places, and manner of holding elections for Senators and Representatives shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature thereof, subject to the provisions of this Constitution; but the Congress may, at any time, by law, make or alter such regulations, except as to the times and places of choosing Senators.

Section 4 1. The times, places and manner of holding elections for Senators and Representatives, shall be prescribed in each State by the Legislature thereof; but the Congress may at any time by law make or alter such regulations, except as to the places of choosing Senators.

This is one of the few times the Confederate constitution explicitly states the supremacy of the national law over state law in a way that the US constitution does not, and I’m not sure why.

2. The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year; and such meeting shall be on the first Monday in December, unless they shall, by law, appoint a different day.

2. The Congress shall assemble at least once in every year, and such meeting shall be on the first Monday in December, unless they by law appoint a different day.

The only difference here is that the Confederate constitution includes the word “shall.” I have no idea why, nor do I see how this changes the meaning of the sentence.

Section 5 1. Each House shall be the judge of the elections, returns, and qualifications of its own members, and a majority of each shall constitute a quorum to do business; but a smaller number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members, in such manner and under such penalties as each House may provide.   2. Each House may determine the rules of its proceedings, punish its members for disorderly behavior, and, with the concurrence of two-thirds of the whole number, expel a member.   3. Each House shall keep a journal of its proceedings, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such parts as may in their judgment require secrecy; and the yeas and nays of the members of either House, on any question, shall, at the desire of one-fifth of those present, be entered on the journal.   4. Neither House, during the session of Congress, shall, without the consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other place than that in which the two Houses shall be sitting.

Section 5 1. Each House shall be the judge of the elections, returns and qualifications of its own members, and a majority of each shall constitute a quorum to do business; but a smaller number may adjourn from day to day, and may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members, in such manner, and under such penalties as each House may provide.   2. Each House may determine the rules of its proceedings, punish its members for disorderly behavior, and, with the concurrence of two-thirds, expel a member.   3. Each House shall keep a journal of its proceedings, and from time to time publish the same, excepting such parts as may in their judgement require secrecy; and the yeas and nays of the members of either House on any question shall, at the desire of one-fifth of those present, be entered on the journal.   4. Neither House, during the session of Congress, shall, without the consent of the other, adjourn for more than three days, nor to any other place than that in which the two Houses shall be sitting.

No difference.

Section 6 1. The Senators and Representatives shall receive a compensation for their services, to be ascertained by law, and paid out of the Treasury of the Confederate States. They shall, in all cases, except treason, felony, and breach of the peace, be privileged from arrest during their attendance at the session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any speech or debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other place. ‘

Section 6 1. The Senators and Representatives shall receive a compensation for their services, to be ascertained by law, and paid out of the Treasury of the United States. They shall in all cases, except treason, felony and breach of the peace, be privileged from arrest during their attendance at the session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any speech or debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other place.

No difference.

2. No Senator or Representative shall, during the time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil office under the authority of the Confederate States, which shall have been created, or the emoluments whereof shall have been increased during such time; and no person holding any office under the Confederate States shall be a member of either House during his continuance in office. But Congress may, by law, grant to the principal officer in each of the Executive Departments a seat upon the floor of either House, with the privilege of discussing any measures appertaining to his department.

2. No Senator or Representative shall, during the time for which he was elected, be appointed to any civil office under the authority of the United States, which shall have increased during such time; and no person holding any office under the United States, shall be a member of either House during his continuance in office.

The first difference here is that the Confederate constitution clarifies and expands on the US constitution’s provisions for when an elected official may not hold a government office, and not unreasonably so.

The second difference, however, is somewhat curious, because I’m honestly not sure what it’s for. What is the purpose of granting the congress the power to give presidential cabinet members floor privileges to discuss the effect of laws within their bailiwick instead of just putting it in the constitution?

The idea itself actually isn’t that crazy, though I can see how it could go wrong—imagine, for example, the Secretary of the Interior embarking on a filibuster to prevent a law from being passed that he thought would negatively affect his department—but giving the executive branch more of an opportunity to give information on its terms to the legislative branch doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

Section 7 1. All bills for raising revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with amendments, as on other bills.

Section 7 1. All bills for raising revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives; but the Senate may propose or concur with amendments as on other bills.

No difference.

2. Every bill which shall have passed both Houses, shall, before it becomes a law, be presented to the President of the Confederate States; if he approve, he shall sign it; but if not, he shall return it, with his objections, to that House in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the objections at large on their journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If, after such reconsideration, two-thirds of that House shall agree to pass the bill, it shall be sent, together with the objections, to the other House, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two-thirds of that House, it shall become a law. But in all such cases, the votes of both Houses shall be determined by yeas and nays, and the names of the persons voting for and against the bill shall be entered on the journal of each House respectively. If any bill shall not be returned by the President within ten days (Sundays excepted) after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be a law, in like manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress, by their adjournment, prevent its return; in which case it shall not be a law. The President may approve any appropriation and disapprove any other appropriation in the same bill. In such case he shall, in signing the bill, designate the appropriations disapproved; and shall return a copy of such appropriations, with his objections, to the House in which the bill shall have originated; and the same proceedings shall then be had as in case of other bills disapproved by the President.

2. Every bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a law, be presented to the president of the United States; if he approve, he shall sign it, but if not, he shall return it, with his objections, to that house in which it shall have originated, who shall enter the objections at large on their journal, and proceed to reconsider it. If after such reconsideration, two thirds of that house shall agree to pass the bill, it shall be sent, together with the objections, to the other house, by which it shall likewise be reconsidered, and if approved by two-thirds of that house, it shall become a law. But in all such cases the votes of both houses shall be determined by yeas and nays, and the names of the persons voting for and against the bill shall be entered on the journal of each house respectively. If any bill shall not be returned by the president within ten days (Sundays excepted) after it shall have been presented to him, the same shall be a law, in like manner as if he had signed it, unless the Congress by their adjournment prevent its return, in which case it shall not be a law.

The first difference here is purely copyediting, and I don’t know why the Confederates made it. Maybe after adding so much they decided to take the opportunity to make something shorter?

The second difference, however, is much more significant, giving to the President the power of the line-item veto, one of the few times the Confederate constitution gives a power to a national institution—the presidency—that the US constitution does not, and it’s one that a lot of presidents would have probably sacrificed their firstborn son for, or at the very least a lot of their other prerogatives. I presume that this was meant to be a strike at pork-barrel politics.

(3) Every order, resolution, or vote, to which the concurrence of both Houses may be necessary (except on a question of adjournment) shall be presented to the President of the Confederate States; and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him; or, being disapproved by him, shall be repassed by two-thirds of both Houses, according to the rules and limitations prescribed in case of a bill.

3. Every order, resolution, or vote to which the concurrence of the Senate and House of Representatives may be necessary (except on a question of adjournment) shall be presented to the president of the United States; and before the same shall take effect, shall be approved by him, or, being disapproved by him, shall be re-passed by two-thirds of the Senate and House of Representatives, according to the rules and limitations prescribed in the case of a bill.

Again, the difference here is copyediting.

Section 8 The Congress shall have power 1. To lay and collect taxes, duties, imposts, and excises for revenue, necessary to pay the debts, provide for the common defense, and carry on the Government of the Confederate States; but no bounties shall be granted from the Treasury; nor shall any duties or taxes on importations from foreign nations be laid to promote or foster any branch of industry; and all duties, imposts, and excises shall be uniform throughout the Confederate States.

Section 8 The Congress shall have the power   1. To lay and collect taxes, duties, imposts and excises, to pay the debts and provide for the common defence and general welfare of the United States; but all duties, imposts and excises shall be uniform throughout the United States.

The main differences here are pretty clear—protectionist tariffs are out, as are “bounties,” which I presume means “if a person produces X, the government will give them a reward.” In other words, yes, protectionist tariffs were actually an issue that the Confederates thought was important, and they did not want them.

2. To borrow money on the credit of the Confederate States.

2. To borrow money on the credit of the United States.

No difference.

3. To regulate commerce with foreign nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian tribes; but neither this, nor any other clause contained in the Constitution, shall ever be construed to delegate the power to Congress to appropriate money for any internal improvement intended to facilitate commerce; except for the purpose of furnishing lights, beacons, and buoys, and other aids to navigation upon the coasts, and the improvement of harbors and the removing of obstructions in river navigation; in all which cases such duties shall be laid on the navigation facilitated thereby as may be necessary to pay the costs and expenses thereof.

3. To regulate commerce with foreign nations, and among the several states, and with the Indian tribes.

This is a fascinating provision, one that really emphasizes that there really was a distinctly localist take within the South. The only commercial internal improvements the national government could pay for involved making it easier for waterborne traffic to move, and even then it was supposed to be financed by money charged to those who directly benefited from it.

4. To establish uniform laws of naturalization, and uniform laws on the subject of bankruptcies, throughout the Confederate States; but no law of Congress shall discharge any debt contracted before the passage of the same.

4. To establish an uniform rule of naturalization, and uniform laws on the subject of bankruptcies throughout the United States.

I’m not entirely sure what the difference here is supposed to be for, but I suspect that it’s to prevent non-payment of debt from being a potential casus belli for the North, and to assure bankers in the North and in Europe that they would not lose out if the Confederacy maintained its independence.

5. To coin money, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign coin, and fix the standard of weights and measures.   6. To provide for the punishment of counterfeiting the securities and current coin of the Confederate States.

5. To coin money, regulate the value thereof, and of foreign coin, and fix the standard of weights and measures. 6. To provide for the punishment of counterfeiting the securities and current coin of the United States:

No difference.

7. To establish post offices and post routes; but the expenses of the Post Office Department, after the first day of March in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and sixty-three, shall be paid out of its own revenues.

7. To establish post-offices and post-roads.

The Confederate post office was apparently supposed to be self-supporting; the secessionists really wanted to make sure that no one snuck in any nationally-funded internal improvements somewhere.

8. To promote the progress of science and useful arts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries. 9. To constitute tribunals inferior to the Supreme Court.   10. To define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas, and offenses against the law of nations.   11. To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water.   12. To raise and support armies; but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for a longer term than two years.   13. To provide and maintain a navy.   14. To make rules for the government and regulation of the land and naval forces.   15. To provide for calling forth the militia to execute the laws of the Confederate States, suppress insurrections, and repel invasions.   16. To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining the militia, and for governing such part of them as may be employed in the service of the Confederate States; reserving to the States, respectively, the appointment of the officers, and the authority of training the militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress.   17. To exercise exclusive legislation, in all cases whatsoever, over such district (not exceeding ten miles square) as may, by cession of one or more States and the acceptance of Congress, become the seat of the Government of the Confederate States; and to exercise like authority over all places purchased by the consent of the Legislature of the State in which the same shall be, for the . erection of forts, magazines, arsenals, dockyards, and other needful buildings; and   18. To make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers, and all other powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the Confederate States, or in any department or officer thereof.

8. To promote the progress of science and useful arts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries. 9. To constitute tribunals inferior to the supreme court. 10. To define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas, and offences against the law of nations. 11. To declare war, grant letters of marque and reprisal, and make rules concerning captures on land and water. 12. To raise and support armies, but no appropriation of money to that use shall be for a longer term than two years 13. To provide and maintain a navy:   14. To make rules for the government and regulation of the land and naval forces 15. To provide for calling forth the militia to execute the laws of the union, suppress insurrections and repel invasions 16. To provide for organizing, arming and disciplining the militia, and for governing such part of them as may be employed in the service of the United States, reserving to the states respectively, the appointment of the officers, and the authority of training the militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress:   17. To exercise exclusive legislation in all cases whatsoever, over such district (not exceeding ten miles square) as may, by cession of particular states, and the acceptance of Congress, become the seat of the government of the United States, and to exercise like authority over all places purchased by the consent of the legislature of the state in which the same shall be, for the erection of forts, magazines, arsenals, dock-yards, and other needful buildings: And,   18. To make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers, and all other powers vested by this constitution in the government of the United States, or in any department or officer thereof.

No difference.

Section 9 1. The importation of negroes of the African race from any foreign country other than the slaveholding States or Territories of the United States of America, is hereby forbidden; and Congress is required to pass such laws as shall effectually prevent the same.   2. Congress shall also have power to prohibit the introduction of slaves from any State not a member of, or Territory not belonging to, this Confederacy.

Section 9 1. The migration or importation of such persons as any of the states now existing shall think proper to admit, shall not be prohibited by the Congress prior to the year 1808, but a tax or duty may be imposed on such importations, not exceeding 10 dollars for each person.

The difference between the US and Confederate constitutions is that the latter starts off by prohibiting the trans-Atlantic slave trade and mandating the enforcement of said prohibition, and the former prevents prohibiting it for two decades, though it should be noted that the US banned the trans-Atlantic slave trade almost the moment that it was legally allowed to; also, the former euphemizes the matter while the latter makes it very clear exactly what it’s talking about.

What’s very interesting here is that it explicitly allows for the importation of slaves from non-seceding slaveholding states, but also very explicitly allows the Confederate congress to ban such trade if it decides to. This was actually big business for states like Virginia, so these provisions do two things—first, it makes it clear that they won’t automatically lose a big source of revenue if the Confederacy maintains its independence, but also holds the possibility over their heads.

3. The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.

2. The privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it.

No difference.

4. No bill of attainder, ex post facto law, or law denying or impairing the right of property in negro slaves shall be passed.

3. No bill of attainder or ex post facto law shall be passed.

As you can see, in this clause the Confederate constitution specifically enshrines the right to hold “negro slaves.” So if someone wanted to enslave white people or Indians, the national government might be able to ban that, but the national government explicitly cannot ban the enslavement of black people.

This is what an actual white supremacist constitution looks like.

5. No capitation or other direct tax shall be laid, unless in proportion to the census or enumeration hereinbefore directed to be taken.

4. No capitation, or other direct tax shall be laid unless in proportion to the census or enumeration herein before directed to be taken.

No difference.

6. No tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any State, except by a vote of two-thirds of both Houses.

5. No tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any state.

This is another time when the Confederate constitution gives the national government a power it does not have in the US constitution; I assume that, given that the Confederacy would have been an export economy, that this provision was meant to give it the capacity to raise revenue in the event of an emergency.

7. No preference shall be given by any regulation of commerce or revenue to the ports of one State over those of another.

6. No preference shall be given by any regulation of commerce or revenue to the ports of one state over those of another: nor shall vessels bound to, or from one state, be obliged to enter, clear, or pay duties in another.

Again, we see the localist preferences of the Confederacy at play; the US constitution specifically forbids states from mucking around with the commerce of other states, while the Confederate constitution allows it—i.e., under the US constitution, the state of Louisiana may not force a ship entering the Mississippi River to stop in New Orleans if it is sailing straight to Vicksburg, Mississippi. Under the Confederate constitution, it can. One can only imagine the shenanigans and chaos that would have ensued.

8. No money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in consequence of appropriations made by law; and a regular statement and account of the receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time.   9. Congress shall appropriate no money from the Treasury except by a vote of two-thirds of both Houses, taken by yeas and nays, unless it be asked and estimated for by some one of the heads of departments and submitted to Congress by the President; or for the purpose of paying its own expenses and contingencies; or for the payment of claims against the Confederate States, the justice of which shall have been judicially declared by a tribunal for the investigation of claims against the Government, which it is hereby made the duty of Congress to establish.   10. All bills appropriating money shall specify in Federal currency the exact amount of each appropriation and the purposes for which it is made; and Congress shall grant no extra compensation to any public contractor, officer, agent, or servant, after such contract shall have been made or such service rendered.

7. No money shall be drawn from the treasury but in consequence of appropriations made by law; and a regular statement and account of the receipts and expenditures of all public money shall be published from time to time.

The added portions here are very interesting, and actually make a certain amount of sense. Clause nine makes it harder for the legislative branch to go off on a wild tangent without the consent of the executive, while clause ten is basically a sunshine law.

11. No title of nobility shall be granted by the Confederate States; and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.

8. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no person holding any office or profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.

No difference.

12. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and petition the Government for a redress of grievances.   13. A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.   14. No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner; nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.   15. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated; and no warrants shall issue but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.   16. No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor be compelled, in any criminal case, to be a witness against himself; nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.     17. In all criminal prosecutions the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor; and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.   18. In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved; and no fact so tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the Confederacy, than according to the rules of common law.   19. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.   20. Every law, or resolution having the force of law, shall relate to but one subject, and that shall be expressed in the title.

I – Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.   II – A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.   III – No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.   IV – The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.   V – No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.   VI – In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.   VII – In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.   VIII – Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

This section is basically the Bill of Rights put into the original document, rather than added on afterward. Clauses 12-19 of the Confederate Constitution are identical to the First through Eighth Amendments to the US Constitution, so they do not need to be further discussed.

The part that is added by the Confederate constitution is somewhat curious, and one wonders how this would have worked in practice. What constitutes “one subject?” Is the budget for the entire national government for the next year “one subject”? If not, then the budget for each cabinet department? This seems like it’s opening a major can of worms for any sort of legislation—if the vote doesn’t go your way, just go to the courts and claim the bill is unconstitutional because it covers more than one subject or that the title was misleading.

I should note here that the Confederates did not leave out the Ninth and Tenth amendments, but they are located in Article VI.

Section 10 1. No State shall enter into any treaty, alliance, or confederation; grant letters of marque and reprisal; coin money; make anything but gold and silver coin a tender in payment of debts; pass any bill of attainder, or ex post facto law, or law impairing the obligation of contracts; or grant any title of nobility.

Section 10 1. No state shall enter into any treaty, alliance, or confederation; grant letters of marque and reprisal; coin money; emit bills of credit; make any thing but gold and silver coin a tender in payment of debts; pass any bill of attainder, ex post facto law, or law impairing the obligation of contracts, or grant any title of nobility.

That the Confederate constitution does not prohibit states from issuing bills of credit is interesting, and I do not understand it beyond simply a compulsion to give the states more power.

2. No State shall, without the consent of the Congress, lay any imposts or duties on imports or exports, except what may be absolutely necessary for executing its inspection laws; and the net produce of all duties and imposts, laid by any State on imports, or exports, shall be for the use of the Treasury of the Confederate States; and all such laws shall be subject to the revision and control of Congress.

2. No state shall, without the consent of the Congress, lay any imposts or duties on imports or exports, except what may be absolutely necessary for executing its inspection laws; and the net produce of all duties and imposts, laid by any state on imports or exports, shall be for the use of the treasury of the United States; and all such laws shall be subject to the revision and control of the Congress.

No difference.

3. No State shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any duty on tonnage, except on seagoing vessels, for the improvement of its rivers and harbors navigated by the said vessels; but such duties shall not conflict with any treaties of the Confederate States with foreign nations; and any surplus revenue thus derived shall, after making such improvement, be paid into the common treasury. Nor shall any State keep troops or ships of war in time of peace, enter into any agreement or compact with another State, or with a foreign power, or engage in war, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent danger as will not admit of delay. But when any river divides or flows through two or more States they may enter into compacts with each other to improve the navigation thereof.

3. No state shall, without the consent of Congress, lay any duty of tonnage, keep troops, or ships of war in time of peace, enter into any agreement or compact with another state, or with a foreign power, or engage in a war, unless actually invaded, or in such imminent danger as will not admit of delay.

Here we see once again the localistic tendencies of the Confederacy; here, in both cases, the additions to the US constitutions are both exceptions to prohibitions on state power, each designed to make it easier for states to institute their own internal improvements, which is an item of interest, as it indicates that the secessionists were less opposed to the idea of internal improvements than to the idea of people paying for them who would not directly benefit; i.e., for Mississippi and Louisiana to enter into an agreement with each other to pay to dredge the Mississippi was a fine thing, and should be encouraged, but it would be inappropriate to ask South Carolinians to pay for it.

My. That was long, but I will contend that it is not my fault that Article I is the longest part of both the Confederate and US constitutions. Next time, we’ll finish the comparisons and then look at what we learn when we look at this.

Does He Gets Us Get It?

Because I’m an idiot, I’m jumping into The Discourse around the “He Gets Us” foot-washing ad that got aired during the Super Bowl.

Let’s get a couple of things out of the way.

First, this is not a presentation of the Gospel. If it was meant to be, it failed at it. At best, it presents only part of the Gospel, and not the most important part at that. That having been said, the claims that it presents a false gospel are somewhat overblown and hysterical.

Second, yeah, the whole AI art thing is kind of cringy, but it’s not the first time a Christian organization has hopped on a fad. (Edit: As it turns out, the art was not AI generated, but was based on actual photographs that were subjected to an editing process that gave the images that AI art aesthetic we all know and love/loathe. Still not the first time a Christian organization has done something aesthetically ridiculous.)

However, a rather more serious critique of the ad is that it is partisan—that is to say, that it takes a side in the culture war, and that said side is the left one. Since I’ve seen people I respect and trust disagree over this, I decided to watch the ad myself.

Here’s a link to a Youtube video, so you can watch it for yourself, but I’m going to go through it picture by picture.

1. Young man washing an older man’s feet, probably his dad.

2. Cop washing the feet of someone from the inner city.

3. Preppy girl washing the feet of a punk/androgynous girl.

4. Cowboy washing the feet of an Indian.

5. Woman washing the feet of a family planning clinic’s customer whom protestors are ignoring.

6. Young woman washing the feet of an older woman.

7. Oil field worker washing the feet of an environmental protestor.

8. Middle-class woman washing the feet of a poorer woman with a child in front of a bus.

9. Non-Muslim woman washing a Muslim woman’s feet.

10. Member of an anti-censorship protest group washing the feet of a member of a pro-censorship protest group.

11. Two old men, one white and one black, each with a foot in a bucket, out in the country.

12. Priest washing the feet of a roller blader.

Finale: Jesus didn’t teach hate. He washed feet. He gets us. All of us.

Now, here’s the thing. I can see where some people would regard this as being problematic. Nearly all of the people getting their feet washed are the sorts of people who the commanding heights of the broader culture either like or are indifferent to, and it is almost exclusively people who the commanding heights of the broader culture dislike who are doing the washing, and it might have been nice, if, say, we’d seen a picture of a news anchor washing the feet of a guy in a MAGA hat, or a peace activist washing the feet of a soldier. It does seem like there’s an asymmetrical demand for humility and acceptance going on in the ad.

But here’s the thing. If you remember the context of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet, this is still fine. Remember, Jesus did it the night before He was taken to be crucified, He knew exactly what was going to happen, and He washed the feet of everyone who was present.

Even Judas Iscariot, who was minutes away from betraying Him. Even Peter, who was to deny Him three times before morning. Even all of the other disciples, who were going to fall asleep in Gethsemane while He sweated blood and then run away and hide when the Pharisees and their goons showed up.

I don’t blame anyone who didn’t get this as the takeaway, because I don’t know if it was meant to be, but “love everyone, even those who really, really, really don’t deserve it, and who hate you for bad reasons” is a very Christian message—because none of us deserve the love of God, but we get it anyway, and He has told us to love as He does.

That having been said, I’m still not a fan of the commercial, because it inadvertently confirmed a lot of peoples’ belief that they are just fine the way they are, thank you, and that is only other people who need to change, and certainly did not at all bring up the most important part of the Gospel: that, as humans, we are sinners in need of a savior from the evil and sin that abides within us, that that savior has come to us already and done what was necessary to save us, and that His name is Jesus, and that we must call upon Him to be saved.

In summary, while the sturm und drang over the commercial was overblown and based on bad premises, it was still not money well spent, and there’s reasons to be extremely ambivalent about it.

‘Til next time.

You Have to Entertain to Edify

While surfing the ‘net, as they used to say back in the day, and I hope to eventually get people saying again, I came across this article.

Now, you should probably read it for yourself, but long story short, YA and Middle Grade books aren’t selling as well as they did during COVID, during which time they experienced a dramatic reversal of the decline in sales that’s been going since 2014. (Skip the headline, look at the graph.)

Now, the author of the piece spends most of it blaming this decline on structural issues and the general economic and cultural climate, with everything from “book bans” to the cost of printing books coming in for blame. She’s not entirely wrong, and at a certain level a post-COVID decline was somewhat inevitable; however, as mentioned previously, YA book sales had been declining for years before COVID happened, so blaming this decline purely on those factors doesn’t quite work.

In fact, the author herself acknowledges this, lamenting the lack of blockbuster breakout hits like Twilight, The Hunger Games, Divergent, or Harry Potter. However, the author unwittingly ends up demonstrating why there hasn’t been a breakout hit like the aforementioned series (according to her, in fact, The Hunger Games has been “one of the highest circulating series in my system for the past two years”) with these sentences from her final paragraph:

“We have to center the youth, what they want, what they need, and what we’ve learned from our successes and failures, about getting the youth reading for fun and pleasure. From being inclusive to being both emotionally and culturally responsible and sensitive, we have to center the youth in this discussion. All of the youth. We have to acknowledge the reality of youth lives while also giving them hope and tools to learn, grow, succeed, and have hope for their futures.”

Let’s break this down, because this is important. The first sentence offers some lip service to the idea that YA literature should be entertaining, but notice the inclusion of, and differentiation between, what “the youth” want and what they need. Then, the next three sentences boil down to “we need to make sure that YA fiction is Sending A Message and we need to make sure that it is The Right Message.” I think this indicates where this person’s priorities really are, and a cracking good story that keeps the reader engaged is below whether or not it someone who reads it is properly edified.

And the thing is, this is a problem for when you are trying to actually sell books to people who aren’t librarians trying to provide Proper Moral Formation to their patrons, because that’s not why people read books.

In that poll, approximately a quarter of readers said they wanted to gather information, slightly more than forty percent said they were looking for some form of entertainment/relaxation, and less than a tenth of readers indicated that they were particularly interested in what might be called “edification.” Now, said poll was taken among adults back in 2012, but anyone who thinks that teenagers are more likely to want to be preached to than adults needs to have their head examined, and I don’t think people’s motivations to read have changed that much over the past ten years either.

Now, I don’t want to oversell the entertainment/edification dichotomy. The Hunger Games, for example, has some pretty strong messages about a lot of topics, but first and foremost it is a very good story, with complex characters whose motivations make sense and drive the plot to an excellent conclusion, even the worldbuilding is a little dubious at times.  

And that’s the thing. If you want people to be edified by your book, they have to actually…read the book. And in order to do that, it has to engage the audience. And books that are clearly written with the goal of edifying rather than entertaining the audience don’t do as good of a job engaging the audience or getting an audience, which results in people not reading your book.

To give an example, the first article cites The Hate U Give as the most recent “breakout” YA hit. The book was published in 2017, and by 2022, with the boost provided by the movie and push provided by almost all media outlets emphasizing how timely and important it was, had sold 3.5 million copies. (Which, to be fair, are some fantastic sales numbers—most authors would kill their own mothers if it meant their books would sell one-tenth as well as that.). The Hunger Games was published in 2008, and by 2012, before the movies came out and also with a lot of push, the three books had sold 26 million copies between them. Do the math.

Now the thing is, this emphasis on edifying rather than entertaining the audience has always been a problem in the YA genre—really, the entire purpose of “children’s literature,” when it came around in the mid-to-late 19^th century, was to provide proper moral formation to its readers. And it will always be there, I think, because when adults write things for children, there is always the instinct to prioritize teaching and instructing first rather than telling a good story.

However, the thing is, when you’re telling a good story, and whether or not you’re edifying the audience is at best a secondary consideration, you end up edifying them anyway, because what you believe about the world will flow naturally into the tale you tell, and while the audience might be able to tell what the moral lessons are, they’ll swallow them down without a quibble. (Assuming, of course, that you’re telling a good story and that you’re a good storyteller.)

 Unfortunately, the people currently running the YA section of the publishing industry are, like the librarian who wrote that first article, looking for The Proper Message more than they are a cracking good story like, say, Harry Potter, or The Hunger Games, and have been doing so for years. And until they realize that, YA will continue to decline, much like the rest of the publishing industry is.  

Rings of Power, Part V

Episode Eight: “Alloyed”

The final episode of the show, and the reason why I intend to watch the second season. Instead of offering a summary, I’ll get on with it.

We’ll start with the Harfoots and WAKIG. While the quartet is searching for WAKIG, the three women find him, capture him, and tell him that they are from Rhun, far to the East, and intend to perform a ritual that will restore his memories and power to him, as he is Sauron. Shortly afterwards, the Harfoots find them and attempt to rescue someone who they think is WAKIG, who turns out to be the very androgynous woman in a magical disguise. After a fight, during which Sadoc is mortally wounded, the women manage to complete their ritual, restoring WAKIG’s memories.

However, they discover that he is actually an Istari, not Sauron, and in the ensuing magical duel the women are banished after their true forms, akin to the Nazgul from the LOTR movies, are revealed. Sadoc then dies, and the others return to the Harfoots. The main body continues their migration, while Nori goes off with WAKIG to Rhun.

Meanwhile, in Numenor, the king dies in the presence of Elendil’s daughter, who is sketching him for a tomb design, and when the expedition arrives after some character interaction between Tar-Miriel and Elendil regarding her blindness, it is to the sight of the port draped in black for mourning.

Meanwhile, in one of those moments that really makes one question how chronologically aligned the various storylines of the show are, Galadriel brings Halbrand to Eregion (on horses that should be either dead or on their last legs, considering the length of the journey), where his wounds are healed and he starts talking to Celebrimbor about the forging of the rings, and then starts helping him with it, though apparently his advice might actually be bad (I know nothing of smithing, so I can’t say one way or the other). While he does this, Galadriel’s two brain cells finally rub together and she has someone delve into the records to find out about the kings of the Southlands, whereupon she discovers that the last one died quite some time ago.

We then get to one of my favorite scenes in the show. Galadriel goes to confront Halbrand, who drags her into a dreamscape resembling the raft where they met, and reveals to her that he is, in fact, Sauron, and that everything he said to her was, partially, reverse psychology to get her to push him to become king of the Southlands, and claims to only want to try and fix what Morgoth has broken, at which point we get this exchange:

Sauron: Together, we can save this Middle-earth.
Galadriel: Save? Or rule?
Sauron: I see no difference.
Galadriel: (pulls her dagger on him) And that is why I will never be at your side.

Fantastic. Tolkien wouldn’t have written the dialogue that way, but the ideas expressed in that exchange are pure Tolkien, and that moment is what finally pushed me over the edge to “Yes, I am going to watch season two.”

Sauron, of course, does not take this refusal well, and after threatening Galadriel with what will probably happen to her if she exposes him drops her in the river, where she is found by Elrond before she drowns, and Elrond reads the documents Galadriel found and realizes that Halbrand is not who he thought he was. They return to Celebrimbor at the forge, where with some rather dodgy smithing (supposedly, I know little of such matters) the three Elven rings are forged, using Elrond’s mithril and Galadriel’s brother’s dagger.

All in all, while this episode does have some issues, they mostly have to do with the fact that all of the events chronicled in the show should not be happening at the same time. The Harfoot storyline is still cliché-ridden, but is getting a little better. The forging of the Rings may be dodgy on the actual forging process, but the actions of the characters make sense, and we get some hints that the show’s creators might have read something else that mentions Numenor when we get this line from Celebrimbor, who’s quoting two villains: “We are on the cusp of crafting a new kind of power. Not of strength, but of spirit. Not of the flesh, but over flesh. This is a power of the Unseen World.” Shades of the NICE in That Hideous Strength, there. Also, the Numenorean storyline looks like it might actually get interesting, and it will be interesting to see what happens with Elendil and his family.

In summary, this was probably the best episode of the series, and is the reason why I’ll at least try to watch the second season when it comes out.

Conclusion

Before I watched the show, I was anticipating writing a review that could be summarized as “This show is well-crafted and executed, but they don’t get Tolkien and it doesn’t even look like they tried.” Instead, it looks like the showrunners have at least tried to understand Tolkien and his themes, even if they don’t quite get it, but it is blindingly obvious that they are extremely new to their job and don’t really get what they’re doing.

To begin with, the marketing campaign. I mentioned at the beginning that I wasn’t sure if the marketing campaign, which basically sold the show as “generic epic fantasy that adheres to DEI checkboxes,” was due to misaimed marketing or was influenced by the showrunners. Based on some of the lengths they went to to conceal the plot twist that Halbrand is actually Sauron until the final episode, I begin to wonder if said marketing campaign wasn’t part of the obfuscation. If so, it was a very bad idea—I suspect, but I can’t prove, that a lot of people bailed after the first two or three episodes who wouldn’t have if the trailers had made the show look like the Tolkienian tragedy it actually is. (And the thing is, we do know that a lot of people bailed; supposedly, only 37% of domestic viewers made it through the whole thing, while 45% of overseas viewers did. Either way, that fewer than 50% of viewers made it through the entire show indicates that the issue is not with a minority of internet haters.)

Then there’s the Harfoot storyline. To begin with, it’s a cliché storm: about the only things I didn’t see coming were Sadoc dying and Nori going off with WAKIG, and the character archetypes are straight out of central casting. Then, as mentioned previously, between episodes two and three it demonstrates the writers’ tendencies to undermine long-term emotional impact and dramatic tension for short-term dramatic tension. The only really good thing about it is that despite the characters all being depressingly archetypical, I really do like them, and I kind of want to see what happens with WAKIG and Nori in Rhun.

Then there’s the Southlander storyline. I’m not going to go over my specific gripes about it again in detail, but I will summarize them: this storyline really undermines the whole show, because things constantly keep happening for no good in-world reason; rather, they happen because the writers think they have to happen in order for there to be plot advancement. Galadriel being hit by a pyroclastic flow was a cheap attempt at a cliffhanger that failed because absolutely no one believed they were going to kill her off, and made it very obvious that characters are going to live and die based purely on writer fiat. Which is technically always true of course, but you’re supposed to keep it hidden.

The Numenor storyline is very okay—I actually like how Elendil, Tar-Miriel, and Ar-Pharazon are handled here, and there’s a lot of surprisingly realistic outcomes—but the Isildur subplot adds nothing to the show except some “dramatic tension”, and I have no idea why it was included.

Then we have the Elrond and Durin, best bros forever, storyline. While them constantly talking about their friendship would get very wearing if they took up more of the show, watching two smart and capable guys trying to balance friendship, personal ambition, and their duties to their people is just kind of fun, tempered by the fact that you know it’s going to lead to ruin, fire, and death when they unearth the Balrog, which keeps the “broad-minded, forward-thinking Durin rebelling against his reactionary, stick-in-the-mud father” subplot from seeing like a cliché storm comparable to the Harfoot storyline, and when Sauron forges the one Ring, which is going to cause big problems for the three Elven rings. This is one of the better parts of the show all the way through, despite the apparently very dodgy smithing they’re doing—and the fact I’m including that here brings us back to the writers’ issues—it wouldn’t have killed them to do at least some research into how metalcraft actually works.

Finally, we get to the Galadriel storyline, and this summarizes the show perfectly, for both good and bad reasons. At the start, she is presented as a generic epic fantasy heroine—bullied as a child by her less-thoughtful peers, she is driven to fight and root out evil, only to be undermined by those less dedicated than she is, and then heroically turns aside from eternal bliss to return to fight evil again and comes across a man cast from his throne who is reluctant to do it again. By the end, however, it has become very obvious that in many ways her actions have strengthened and enabled the very thing she wanted to fight, and that her story is a tragic one, in the old sense, where the protagonist’s actions lead to their downfall. However, it also has a scene that also encapsulates the show’s ultimate flaw: in episode four, when Elendil and Galadriel are riding out to the archive to look for a map, and Galadriel puts her horse into a gallop for the sheer joy of riding really fast, and we’re supposed to see it as a kind of “look, Galadriel IS still capable of feeling happiness” scene, but then it shifts to slow-mo and it kind of looks like there’s something very, very, wrong with her. Great idea, but the execution is…lacking, and it’s really obvious that they either didn’t watch the footage or didn’t show it to anyone else.

And that summation is why I can’t say “don’t watch this show” or “I unreservedly recommend this show.” The showrunners get a lot of stuff right, particularly the themes, and there’s a lot of parts that are really enjoyable, but sometimes they get things so very wrong in such obvious and easily correctable ways that it becomes almost physically painful to watch, kind of like watching the Star Wars prequels. And so going into season two, I hope they fix the stupid rather than doubling down on it. Because if they double down, I will jump ship. But I will be watching season two. Why? Because so far, it looks like the only people whose plans aren’t going to end up making things worse are the people who don’t have these big grandiose plans to save the world or whatever—rather, they just want to do what’s right. And that, right there, indicates that the showrunners are at least trying to understand Tolkien, and that, unlike good writing, is a spirit that cannot be learned. I’m willing to chance it.

Rings of Power, Part IV

Episode 6: “Udun”

Glah. I hate this episode with the firey passion of ten thousand suns, and the fact that critics loved it is a massive indicator of why you shouldn’t listen to anyone in the entertainment industry when they start talking about the real world.

We’ll start with the Numenoreans. First, supposedly, the three ships of the expedition are carrying three hundred men and, presumably, three hundred horses, since we don’t see anyone on foot during the battle scene. There’s a major problem here, which is that these vessels are nowhere near large enough to haul this kind of cargo. The Numenorean vessels we see are single deck vessels that are maybe, maybe seventy-five feet in length and fifteen to twenty feet wide at their broadest. You might be able to fit a hundred soldiers on there. A hundred horses? Snowball’s chance in hell.

Then, later, we see them going at a full gallop towards the village, obviously some distance away from where they disembarked. It is a very dramatic shot, to be sure, but it is stupid. First, horses cannot sustain a gallop for very long before bad things start to happen to them, like dying or going lame. And by “not very long,” I mean “a few minutes.” Second, based on the information the Numenoreans have there is no reason for them to be doing this. Yes, they know Sauron is moving, but no one in the group knows about Adar and no one knows that the village needs relief right now. They’re just galloping for no reason.

And then we get to the battle between Arondir/Bronwyn and Adar, and this is an entire pile of stupid.

To begin with, no one, including the showrunners, seems to be clear on how large Adar’s forces are. In the previous episode, Adar tells an Orc to “call out the legions” implying that his forces number at least in the low thousands, outnumbering the surviving villagers by ten to one at the least. And it’s not as though Arondir and Bronwyn don’t know this—in the previous episode, they, and we, see the valley below the watchtower filled with campfires and torches. However, at no point in the show does Adar actually use his numbers—every attack force he deploys numbers in the low hundreds.

Then, there’s the decision by Arondir and Bronwyn and the villagers to stand and fight, because…reasons. It sounds all heroic, but the fact is that there is no reason for them not to retreat—they have no expectation of help, the watchtower has no supplies, they have already been driven from their homes, and they have a magic broken sword that they want to keep away from Adar. Now, there is something that might serve as a reason to stay—staging a rearguard action to keep Adar busy while someone goes to warn the Elves that the Orcs are on the march again—but this is never brought up in the show.

This, by the way, is where the ludicrous Elvish escape attempt in episode three could have resulted in a good reason for them to stand and fight if somebody besides Arondir had made it out—the person delivering the message could have been the only other surviving Elf, who by coincidence would just happen to hit the Anduin where the Numenoreans land, which would then also provide an explanation for why they’re hurrying to the Southlanders’ relief. However, because the showrunners seem to have lost their understanding of cause and effect, nothing like this happens.

Anyway, having engaged in this bit of stupidity, Arondir and Bronwyn decide to pile imbecility on top of it by giving up their most defensible position, the watchtower, and using it as a trap to kill a bunch of Adar’s orcs. This, again, would be perfectly acceptable if the objective were “delay Adar while someone goes for help/we cover our evacuation.” However, their objective seems to be “defeat Adar”—who, let me remind you, has way more Orcs than will fit in the watchtower, and Arondir and Bronwyn know this.

Adar then obligingly attacks the watchtower and loses a few hundred orcs to the trap, at which point we discover that step two of the Southlander plan is to re-occupy the village. This plan is stupid. It should not work. Adar should have some kind of garrison force in the village, if for no other reason than just because it’s a convenient place to hold the Southlanders who decided to side with him while he deals with their former friends and neighbors. Fortunately for the Southlanders, however, Adar, who has been presented as being smart, apparently has the tactical sense of a turnip, because the village has no Orcs in it when they arrive.

At this point Arondir and Bronwyn get a brief romantic scene, after which they cook up a plan to defend the village that boils down to “trap the orcs in the central square and shoot them with arrows.” Once again, this plan would be perfectly acceptable if the Southlanders were under the impression that Adar had a force that could be trapped in the central square of the village. As matters stand, however, they know good and well that this is not the case.

That night, the Orcs attack, and very obligingly stick themselves in the trap, at which point the villagers start shooting arrows from the rooftops. Of course, some of the Orcs start shooting back, at which point a bunch of villagers armed with improvised weapons charge the Orcs, in what is clearly part of the plan rather than an impulsive decision, and duly lose a lot of people they wouldn’t have if they’d just held back and fired arrows until they ran dry. These are people they cannot afford to lose, considering that they know they are extremely badly outnumbered, and that the Southlanders’ plan involved melee fighting at all is arrant stupidity on Arondir’s part.

I should note that we do get a pretty good and intense fight scene between Arondir and a giant orc that culminates in a very tense moment when the orc, who is so close to Arondir that he is bleeding on him, is slowly pushing a knife towards Arondir’s eye until Bronwyn comes up and kills the orc. It is still not enough to make up for everything else.

We then suddenly find out that a good portion of the “Orcs” were actually the villagers who swore allegiance to Adar, despite the fact that we were given absolutely no sign that this twist was going to happen and every sign that the attackers were all Orcs. This causes everyone to angst briefly before suddenly another portion of Adar’s forces leaps out of the woods without warning, because despite knowing that Adar has a rather large army Arondir didn’t bother to have anyone act as a lookout just in case he decided to try a flanking maneuver, and drives the villagers back into the tavern, where reality ensues and the Orcs are inside the tavern within about thirty seconds.

Of course, Bronwyn the healer got wounded when the Orc reinforcements arrived, and while the Orcs were storming the tavern Arondir and Theo had to fix her up, which they do. Adar comes in, looking for the magical sword, and starts killing people until he gets to Bronwyn, at which point Theo gives up the location of the sword.

We then get a really fun sequence where the view splits from the tavern, where less than a minute ago it was hard night outside with absolutely no sign of the sun, to suddenly having the Numenoreans come charging in in broad daylight and kill all the Orcs in the village, in a sequence that includes, among other things, two riders using a length of chain to bowl over multiple ranks of Orcs, an idea that would probably occur to rookie cavalrymen but should result in them being pulled out of their saddles if they manage to actually hold onto the chain when it hits the Orcs if it doesn’t just result in the chain being ripped out of their hands.

The Numenoreans end up doing a lot of things no cavalryman would ever do, but this is forgivable because none of them are actually experienced cavalrymen except for Galadriel, maybe. What is not forgivable, however, is when Adar attempts to flee and Galadriel rides after him, Halbrand also rides after them, and somehow, someway, meets them going in the opposite direction.

We then get a “throw the fans off the scent” moment with Halbrand and Adar that makes no sense, after which they bring him in for questioning and Galadriel, while the Numenoreans are preparing a feast with the surviving Southlanders, threatens to torture Adar if he doesn’t talk. Soon he does.

Halbrand is then proclaimed as king of the Southlands, and then we find out what Adar’s plan was all along. Waldreg takes the magical sword and uses it to activate a device in the ruined watchtower that breaks a dam that releases a reservoir of water that flows into the ditch that Adar ordered dug and to the base of the big volcano in the area, where the water flows inside and sets off a catastrophic eruption when it hits the magma. Apparently this is actually a thing that can happen.

This then results in the volcano blowing its top and sending out a pyroclastic flow, and a rather large one. For those of you who don’t know what a pyroclastic flow is, if you’ve seen pictures of Pompeii, that’s what did that. The final shot of the episode is Galadriel getting swallowed up by the cloud, along with the rest of the village.

At the final, this is one of the worst episodes of the show, and I find the high score critics gave it to be utterly bonkers. The writers consistently break the laws of physics, logistics, and plain common sense in order to try and achieve some level of dramatic tension, and fail to achieve their objective. In the most egregious example, the “cliffhanger” at the end of this episode is no cliffhanger at all, because the audience knows good and well that they aren’t going to kill off everyone in the Southlands and Numenorean storylines. What’s worse, it’s patently obvious that everyone who survives is doing so purely because of author fiat, which seriously damages any sort of dramatic tension for later. While we do get a couple of good scenes, namely the fight scene between Arondir and the Orc and the scene between Galadriel and Adar, but they cannot make up for the egregious stupidity of the rest of the episode.

The only reason I didn’t stop watching after this one was because there were only two episodes left and I knew that Halbrand was Sauron.

Episode Seven: “The Eye”

This episode is quite a bit better than the last one, but that is not exactly a high bar to clear. However, it did restore some of the credibility the previous one squandered, so let’s look at how.

In the Southlands storyline, Galadriel, still alive and with nary a mark on her despite having taken a giant pile of superheated ash to the face, finds Theo, somehow manages to not find anyone else despite the fact that the village is really quite small, and then sets off out of the Southlands. This actually results in some pretty solid scenes, with Theo being guilt-wracked because he gave up the location of the sword to Adar, and Galadriel being forced to reflect on her own life as she tells him not to feel guilty about it, and lets out a little more of her backstory—not only did she lose her brother, her husband was also killed in the wars with Morgoth.

Meanwhile, in the village, we lose the only named character to die—Ontamo, Isildur’s buddy—and then, in a successful effort to get a family out of a burning house, it appears that Isildur is killed by a falling roof. The surviving Numenoreans and Southlanders then proceed to evacuate, and we learn that Tar-Miriel is now blind.

Eventually, everyone comes back together at the Numenorean camp that they somehow had time to set up. Galadriel finds Halbrand and discovers that he is wounded and that said wound will kill him unless he gets Elvish medicine, so she takes him north to Eregion. The Numenoreans depart Middle-Earth, while the Southlanders head for a former city known as Pelargir.

Then we have the Harfoots. Nori, her family, Poppy, and WAKIG finally rejoin the rest of the Harfoots at an orchard, which has been half-wrecked by debris from the volcanic eruption. Nori asks WAKIG if he can fix it, and, still holding to cliché, when he tries to restore a tree he ends up causing a branch to break that nearly lands on Nori’s sister. Despondent, he leaves at the Harfoots’ behest for a nearby human settlement. The next day, the Harfoots discover that he did, in fact, fix the orchard, and that night the three women we saw two episodes ago show up looking for WAKIG, tracking him using magic. Nori and her family attempt to distract them, and in response to their defiance the very androgynous one lights the Harfoots’ caravan on fire. In the morning, after a rousing speech from Papa Brandyfoot that is one long cliché about sticking together (which, again, rings a little hollow in light of the concerns about being left behind in episode two), Nori, Poppy, Mama Brandyfoot, and Sadoc decide to go after WAKIG to warn him.

Finally, in the Elrond and Durin storyline, the friends go to Durin’s father, the king, also named Durin, and ask for permission to mine the mithril. They are denied, and then decide to go do so in secret. In a departure from cliché, they are caught, Elrond is banished (though he manages to take out some mithril with him), and Durin is stripped of his royal status. Then Disa gives Durin a rousing speech about how one day he’ll be ruling Khazad-Dum no matter what his doddering old fool of a father says. Now, in another show, this might be taken as inspirational; in this one, however, it gives off serious Lady Macbeth vibes, especially when the last shot is of something that is almost certainly a Balrog coming awake at the bottom of the mithril shaft.

All in all, this episode improves remarkably over the last one. While there is a little bit of stupidity and false dramatic tension, and the Harfoot storyline is still a cliche storm that belongs in a YA fantasy novel, we still get a lot of good moments, and, with the reveal of the Balrog at the bottom of the mithril shaft, some serious indications that our protagonists are going to be seriously wrong about some things, and that this story is actually a Tolkienian tragedy rather than a generic fantasy epic.

In other words, this episode told me that I might not be wasting my time by watching this show.   

Rings of Power, Part III: Plateau

Episode 4: The Great Wave

This episode is a little better, but it does have its problems, so let’s dive right in.

This time we’ll start with Numenor. Tar-Miriel has a dream of Numenor being destroyed by a wall of water, after which Galadriel and Elendil request an audience to ask her to send an expeditionary force to the mainland. She refuses, at which point Galadriel loses her temper, goes on a massive rant, and asks to speak to the king. In a departure from cliché, she is then thrown in jail, right next to Halbrand.

The next part is really interesting. Halbrand does a bit of analysis and tells Galadriel to play on Miriel’s greatest fear, which, based on the fact that she didn’t order Galadriel jailed until she demanded to see her father, is that someone might see her father. So Galadriel breaks out when the guards come to take her to a ship that is going to the mainland and infiltrates the tower…and finds out that actually there’s a good reason for Tar-Palantir’s not having been seen in years—he’s almost senile. Tar-Miriel is also there, and explains that he was deposed when he tried to renew relations with the Elves, and she was installed in his place. They have both had visions of Numenor’s downfall, and Tar-Miriel believes that helping Galadriel will cause this. Galadriel actually sort of accepts this, but in the morning, when she is about to be sent off to Middle-Earth, the petals of the White Tree begin to fall, and Tar-Miriel, seeing a sign in this, decides that Numenor should intervene.

Meanwhile, in an utterly inexplicable subplot, Isildur, Elendil’s son, who is a cadet in the Numenorean Sea Guard, allows himself to be distracted by what appear to be whispers from the West, which results in him letting a line slip and getting him and his two friends kicked out. This subplot, by the way, adds nothing to the show.

Now over to the Southlands, where Arondir is taken to see the leader of the Orcs, Adar, who was apparently one of the original Orcs, shaped from a captured Elf by Morgoth. He lets Arondir go with a message to the Southlanders holed up in the watchtower, which is that they can swear fealty or die. Meanwhile, none of the refugees going to the watchtower apparently bothered to pack any food, since it’s been less than two days since they all had to evacuate their villages and they’re already out. So Theo and his friend Rowan go to retrieve some from the village. Rowan makes it back, barely, but Theo is trapped.

When he tries to escape, he is discovered, but is rescued by Arondir, who for some reason is passing through the village crawling with orcs in order to deliver his message rather than avoiding it, and the two escape into the woods, where somehow they find Bronwyn, and they escape the orcs due to sunrise. When they reach the tower, Waldreg buttonholes Theo, reveals that he serves Sauron, and mentions that a broken sword Theo found earlier is important.

As to the Elrond storyline, the Elves and Dwarves are building the new forge in Eregion. Celebrimbor sends Elrond back to Khazad-Dum in the belief that the Dwarves are hiding something. Elrond discovers that they are, and Durin swears him to secrecy before telling him that they’ve found a very light and very strong metal that Elrond ends up calling “mithril.” Unfortunately, the shaft they’ve found is unstable, and it collapses. The miners survive, but Durin’s father, also named Durin (which is part of the lore), shuts the mining down. The younger Durin is upset, but, after Elrond talks to him, he goes to older Durin, who, after hearing him out, sends him off to find out what the Elves want. 

As I said, this episode is a little better than the last one, but mostly because of how it sets things up for later. In your standard fantasy epic, in both the Elrond and Numenor storylines, our protagonists would be portrayed as being in the right. Halbrand’s advice to Galadriel would have been totally fine and gotten her what she wanted, and Durin’s determination to see the mining continue would result in his vindication. Instead, however, Halbrand’s advice only serves as foreshadowing for him being Sauron, because in Tolkienian morality you don’t play on people’s fears to manipulate them, and Galadriel does not get what she wants because she is persuasive; rather, she gets what she wants because of events that are not in her control at all. Durin’s determination, in the meantime…well, we know what lies at the bottom of the mithril-shaft. The Southlands storyline, however, is still a bit of a mess, with characters doing things they should know better than to do and serious timeline issues.

In other words, while this episode improved my opinion of the show, it didn’t do so by much.

Episode Five: Partings

We’ll start with the Harfoots. First, we do a traveling montage set to Poppy singing, which is fine. Then the Brandyfoots are attacked by wolves and saved by WAKIG doing magic, which injures him. Then, in the process of healing himself, he accidentally hurts Nori, who understandably freaks out and runs away from him. This storyline follows the stereotypical beats with such depressing exactness that I am beginning to understand why movie critics are so desperate for novelty. However, a new wrinkle occurs: three women, one of them extremely androgynous, arrive at WAKIG’s impact site.

The Southlands storyline continues apace. Arondir and Bronwyn thankfully break from cliché and tell their fellows about Adar’s offer. They want to fight on; Waldreg wants to take the deal, and takes half the villagers with him—not including Theo, but including Rowan. When they arrive at the village, which has been taken over by Adar and his Orcs, he swears fealty to him, and is then told to kill Rowan to prove his loyalty. He does so. Theo, meanwhile, shows Arondir the broken sword.

Meanwhile, in Numenor, the entirely unnecessary Isildur subplot continues, as Elendil does the right thing and refuses to use his status as commander of the expedition to get him a slot. Meanwhile, Galadriel plans to make Halbrand king of the Southlands, and he demurs. We then get a fun moment where Galadriel gets to show off her warrior chops, as she provides some training in how to kill Orcs to some of the Numenorian recruits, then takes on five of them in a practice bout where the prize is that if one of them manages to touch her they’ll get a promotion. In a departure from cliché, Isildur hears about this, and then does not try and rush in, land a hit, and thereby get on the expedition, but instead only watches and sees his friend who got kicked out of the Sea Guard because of him land the hit, after a fight sequence that is honestly a little goofy, especially a moment when all five of the humans land a strike simultaneously. Anyway, Ar-Pharazon’s son Kemen tries to convince him to stop the expedition, but Ar-Pharazon wants to expand and colonize the mainland, so he wants it go forward.

Later, Kemen attempts to burn the ships, but in a remarkable coincidence happens to pick the one that Isildur stowed away on. Isildur sort of foils the plot and Kemen is only able to destroy two ships. The two then wash up on the docks, and Isildur, for reasons that are never explained, does not rat out Kemen. Instead, he goes to his friends who got on the expedition, and after a bit of not-so-friendly punching gets on the expedition as a stablehand. Galadriel apologizes to Halbrand, and Halbrand acquiesces to her plan.

Then we have the Elrond and Durin storyline. Both of them return to Eregion, where Gil-galad informs Elrond about why he sent him to Durin—because of the mithril, which he thinks is necessary to keep the Elves in Middle-Earth. Elrond then finds himself caught between his oath to his king and his oath to his friend, but in a departure from cliché resolves it via convincing Durin to reveal the secret himself.

Again, this episode has a lot of highs, but also some serious lows. Galadriel and Halbrand’s interactions are fantastic in this episode, especially when you realize who Halbrand actually is. How much of what he says is reverse psychology? Meanwhile, the Elrond and Durin storyline continues to not disappoint, with people trying to find alternatives to “which loyalty is the greater” rather than spending their time angsting over it. The Southland storyline also gets some nice touches, particularly when Adar reminisces about how he used to enjoy the feeling of the sun on his skin when he was still an elf. Also, the “Isildur joins the expedition” subplot is handled without resorting to the usual methods, but instead by him realizing that he’s been kind of an idiot, which is nice.

Unfortunately, said subplot also has no reason to exist besides creating conflict. No character besides Isildur experiences development, and his decision not to rat out Kemen makes no sense in terms of personal character motivation—if someone was trying to sabotage an enterprise my father was going on, I would most certainly tell him about it. Furthermore, the WAKIG/Harfoot storyline is playing the tropes for the kind of story it is painfully straight.

My opinion of this show plateaued in this episode.

Rings of Power, Part II

Episode 2: Adrift

This episode is a bit better, mostly because it kind of gets away from the “generic epic fantasy” of the first episode and into some things that are actually sort of clever.

We’ll start with the Galadriel storyline. Still inexplicably wearing the shift that she had on onboard the ship to Valinor (all that thing is doing is weighing her down), she stumbles across and boards a raft inhabited by the survivors of a shipwreck. This ends up serving as an introduction both to the reception she’s likely to get in Numenor, as the humans do not react well to her being an Elf, and to Halbrand. At any rate, the humans decide to pitch her off the raft just as the sea monster that wrecked their ship shows up, Galadriel jumps off, the raft gets wrecked behind her, and then Halbrand shows up to pick her up on the part of the raft with the mast and the supplies, as he disconnected it from the rest of the raft just before the monster got to it.

Honestly, this is actually really effective foreshadowing that Halbrand is actually a very bad guy, but thinking that way requires you to believe that the showrunners actually “get” Tolkien. Just leaving people to their fate to save your own skin is a no-no in Middle-Earth in a way that it isn’t in most works, even if you save someone else in the process. However, in the light of episode one and the marketing campaign, this comes off as Halbrand being a generic epic fantasy charismatic anti-hero.

They then go through a conversation in which they both discuss their angsty and tragic pasts, followed by a massive storm, and Halbrand saves Galadriel’s life, a sequence that in the generic epic fantasy this kind of looks like would signal another Forbidden Romance Between Elf and Human. At the end they are picked up by a ship of Numenor captained by Elendil, which is when we really get the sense of how compressed the timeline is going to be on this show.

Meanwhile, among the Harfoots, Nori and her friend move WAKIG from where the meteor hit to a spot where they can hide him. After some light comedy, centered around the travails of two small people trying to move one big one and their attempts to feed him, WAKIG ends up using some fireflies to show them a constellation, after which said fireflies die. Once again, this is generic YA fantasy stuff—it’s sort of de rigeur in this sort of story to introduce some doubt as to whether helping the stranger is actually a good idea by having them do something that unintentionally causes a problem. Then, just to add to the drama, Nori’s father, Largo, breaks his ankle, when the migration to new ground is only a few days away. At which point, the show undermines some upcoming scenes by having the Brandyfoot family worry that this will result in them being left behind, since Largo isn’t going to be able to pull their cart. Then, Nori and Poppy go and steal a star chart showing the previously mentioned constellation from the wagon it’s kept in in a well-done but still cliché comedic scene as Poppy tries to keep the head Harfoot, named Sadoc, from noticing that Nori is messing about inside.

Then, in the Southlands storyline, having gone to the nearest village, Bronwyn and Arondir discover that the village has been utterly wrecked, quite recently, and all of the inhabitants have vanished. They then go to the village and investigate, and discover that apparently someone or something tunnelled up from below. So, instead of doing the sensible thing and having both of them go back, Arondir hops down into the tunnel to investigate, where he is promptly captured, while Bronwyn goes back to the village, and tells the story. Of course, everyone reacts in disbelief, led by the tavern-keeper, Waldreg, until she returns to her house and ends up killing an orc who came up from a tunnel dug underneath the house in what is actually a relatively tense scene, and returns to the tavern with its head. One can be forgiven at this point for wondering how fast this tunneling is going, since it’s apparently a fair walk from Bronwyn’s village to the ruined one and no one seems to have noticed that the other village just vanished before Bronwyn and Arondir went there. In fairness, I should note that the tunnelling is actually foreshadowed in the first episode, when someone mentions earth tremors. So kudos there.

Finally, in the Elrond storyline, Elrond is sent to Celebrimbor, who shows him design plans for a new and more powerful forge. Elrond then convinces him that they need dwarvish help, and so they go to Khazad-dum, aka Moria, where they meet a rather more chilly reception than Elrond expects. At which point he invokes a rite that involves a stone-breaking contest between him and a dwarf—in this case, Elrond’s friend Durin. (As a side note, whoever came up with the design for the dwarf guard armor needed a talking to, because while it’s meant to be intimidating they kind of look like walking bells and I can’t take that seriously.) In a twist that will surprise anyone familiar with fantasy tropes, Elrond actually <i>fails the challenge</i> and is banished from Dwarf lands. He then proceeds to do something unexpected and ask Durin to escort him out, at which point he takes the opportunity to act like a grown adult and ask what Durin’s problem is, at which point Durin acts like a grown adult and explains what the problem is—namely, that Elrond went no-contact for twenty years, which might not be long for an Elf but is a really long time for anyone else—and Elrond apologizes and asks if he can meet Durin’s family. Durin acquiesces, and by the end of the episode, thanks to some serious prodding from Durin’s wife Dysa, their friendship is restored and Durin is relaying Elrond’s request to his father.

All in all, this episode is a bit better than the first one, largely because of the greater focus on the Elrond storyline, which is honestly the cleverest section of the show and the section that kept me from just writing the show off as a generic fantasy epic. While the Galadriel storyline will turn out to be a subversion of what it appears to be, the episode seems to play the tropes painfully straight, with not even a hint of anything else. Meanwhile, the Southlands storyline plays its tropes painfully straight as well, with its hero getting himself captured doing something heroic and stupid, while its heroine is disbelieved by the men around her until she kills an orc and brings its head in. (Though later we will find out that her most vocal opponent had his own reasons for denying that there was a problem.) 

However, with the Harfoot storyline, you see one of the big problems the show is going to have. Not does it plays it tropes painfully straight as well, it also does something that will be a recurring problem for this show, that of undermining long-term goals for the sake of immediate drama. I’ll discuss this in more depth in talking about the next episode, but the Brandyfoots’ worries in this episode don’t really make sense for the vibe we’re supposed to get for the Harfoots in the next one. And the thing is, you can still have some dramatic tension. Show all the Harfoots planning on how they’re going to make sure the Brandyfoots are going to be able to keep up with the march, with everyone taking terms helping Mama Brandyfoot pull the cart, and Nori’s friend reminding her that if anyone finds out about them helping WAKIG that it’s going to cause everyone’s willingness to help to evaporate like morning dew. Now THAT’s dramatic tension right there, especially if you couple it with Nori already being somewhat reluctant to help WAKIG instead of being enthused about it. And if you do that, you have an opportunity for Nori to do a call forward to the next episode by having her say something like “If I don’t go off-trail he walks alone,” when Poppy asks her why she’s doing all this, which sounds way better than her actual line, which is “there’s head-sense and heart-sense,” which is so gloriously cliched that it’s not even funny.

In other words, this episode kept me watching the show, but I was still not really impressed by it.

Episode Three: Adar

This episode marks a plateau in show quality.

We’ll start with Arondir’s part of the Southlands storyline. Having been taken prisoner by the orcs, he is assigned to dig a trench that they are building, where he finds the missing villagers and the rest of the Elven watchers. No explanation is given for how they ended up getting captured as well, which is unfortunate, because that could have brought in some dramatic tension, like “hey, we got captured looking for you. Thanks a lot.” Then there’s a moment where the Orcs want them to fell a tree that’s in the way, the Elves refuse, the Orcs kill one of them for it, and then Arondir chops it down to avoid more people getting killed while apologizing to it—which, honestly, seems like a very Elvish thing to do.

Anyway, the Elves come up with a plan to escape. When the sun is highest and the orcs are at their weakest, they’ll take out the immediate guards, then break their chains and run away. But not together. No. Instead, each will run as his chain is broken, which means that they will be running one at a time, which means climbing out of the trench and crossing a good space of open ground before they reach concealment and cover, with plenty of time for the orcs to kill each of them. If you think this sounds like a terrible plan that no one with the level of experience that these Elves supposedly have would come up with, you’re right. All of them are killed except for Arondir, who is taken to see the leader of the orcs, Adar.

Now for Galadriel and Halbrand. Elendil brings them back to Numenor, where they meet with Tar-Miriel, the Queen Regent ruling in her unofficially deposed father’s stead. Galadriel is not welcomed due to the fact that she is an Elf, and proceeds to go on an angry rant that in another show would result in her getting what she wanted, but in a departure from cliché she does not. Instead, she goes with Elendil to the local House of Lore, and after a bizarre sequence featuring her riding a horse in slow motion that I think is supposed to tell us that she is still capable of finding joy in the simple things and that she has not been totally consumed by her desire for revenge but is just really awkward, finds a map of Middle-Earth, overlays the mark of Sauron on it, and discovers that it matches the mountains borders of the Southlands. If you think that this sounds like a really weird way to signal people that is extremely heavily reliant on things like having an accurately-drawn map to begin with, which is not a guarantee, you are correct.

Meanwhile, Halbrand engages in the kind of activity that in another show would be a sign that he is a lovable rogue protagonist but here is foreshadowing that he is not a good guy. In this case, he wants to do some blacksmith work, but can’t because he’s not part of the guild, so he stands some blacksmiths some drinks and takes a guild badge off one of them in the merriment. In other words, your standard Morally Ambiguous Rogue with a Heart of Gold plan. Then, in a departure from cliché, he gets discovered by the guildsmen, gets into a fight with them, and is apprehended by the city watch and thrown into jail.

Finally, we come to the Harfoot storyline. To begin with, the way the show depicts the Harfoot culture in this episode is fantastic. “Nobody goes off-trail, nobody walks alone” sums up the risk-averse, security in exchange for conformity nature of the Harfoots very succinctly, referring to dying as “falling behind” and commemorating the dead with “We will wait for them” is a very definite nod to their nomadic nature, and de-caravaning as punishment for jeopardizing the safety of the group is very good. However, how the story plays out is a cliché storm, as WAKIG, having been given the star map by Nori, goes into the camp trying to find light to read by, accidentally sets the map on fire, and then stumbles into the ceremony and calls Nori out by name. This, of course, results in everybody freaking out, de-caravaning is threatened, but instead Sadoc sticks the Brandyfoots in the back, thereby greatly increasing their chances of literally and figuratively falling behind. There is then the obligatory moment when Nori doubts herself and her mother affirms her choices, and then at the end of the episode, as expected, WAKIG shows up to help them pull their cart.

This is just a very uneven episode, with several good points but also several bad points—and even the good points aren’t as good as they could be. The Harfoot ethos and the tension we should be feeling when the Brandyfoots are faced with possibly being thrown out because of Nori aiding WAKIG are both undermined by the fact that in the previous episode they were worried about just being left behind because Largo broke his foot and no one even brought up the possibility of the others helping them. Had the last episode shown the Harfoots rallying around the Brandyfoots when the dad breaks his foot, the scene where WAKIG reveals himself and everyone kind of turns their backs on them would have had a lot more emotional punch, especially if Nori was already helping reluctantly. As matters stand, the audience is kind of left wondering if they would have actually lost anything if they had been exiled. The Numenor storyline is showing more and more signs of deviating from generic epic fantasy, and in good and realistic ways, but the “mark of Sauron=what the Southlands look like on a map if you turn it just so” is the kind of “clever” idea that Hollywood writers love and is not used in the real world because it’s so easy to botch, a problem that will crop up later in the show, and in much worse ways. Meanwhile, the Arondir storyline has some good worldbuilding moments, but once again we have supposedly capable and competent people being stupid because the plot demands it, another problem we will see later in the show.

All in all, it’s not an episode that moved my opinion on the show much.

Rings of Power, Part I

So, the first season of Rings of Power has been over for several months now, which means that I finally got around to watching it back in February, have just now finished writing my review of it, and, well…I’m very ambivalent about the whole thing. Frankly, the show kind of reminds me of the Star Wars prequels, where you have a good plot arc and a lot of good concepts, but the actual execution is rather lacking.

Note that there are spoilers ahead. (It’s an adaptation of material that is decades old.) Also, in the interests of making this easy to read, this review will come in multiple installments.

Culture Wars

Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way. Thanks to the extreme political, social, and cultural divide that exists within Tolkien fandom, one exacerbated by an incredibly terrible (or was it?) marketing campaign, this show became a battleground long before it even came out. A lot of people were predicting that this show was going to be “woke,” betray Tolkien’s moral universe, and just generally copy Amazon’s attempt to adapt the Wheel of Time series. News about things like “intimacy coordinators” did not help matters. I went into this series expecting to be disappointed in this regard.

And…I wasn’t. Yes, it becomes very obvious that there was definitely some DEI involvement with the overall cast of the show, but it’s not particularly intrusive. Well, except in the case of the Harfoots, who are a small nomadic clan that does not seem to have much contact with outsiders. In the real world, a group like that would almost certainly homogenize to a nice shade of light brown, not have skin colors ranging from “haven’t seen the sun in years” white to “never seen snow in my days” brown.

Yes, I do think it’s remarkalbe that most of the obvious villains are pale-skinned men while the protagonists strive to tick off most of the diversity checkboxes.

Yes, there is an obligatory pot-shot at right-wing populism.

However, it’s also very obvious that when the showrunners said that they’d been reading a lot of Tolkien, they weren’t lying. While I don’t think they really understand him, they get him in a way that Peter Jackson never did.

Also, so far our only androgynous character has been a villain.

Finally, sex? What sex? About the most passionate thing that happens is some lip-locking. Honestly, there’s more sexual content, implied and on-screen, in the LOTR trilogy than in this entire season. 

So, now that we have that nonsense out of the way, we’re going to go through each episode, and look at what works, and what doesn’t.

Episode 1: A Shadow of the Past

I don’t blame anyone who hopped off after this episode. The entire thing simply reeks of “generic epic fantasy that happens to be set in Middle Earth.”

Let’s start with Galadriel’s storyline. It begins with a scene in which Galadriel is bullied by the other Elven children, who throw rocks at a little boat she makes out of paper until they sink it and are chased away by her older brother, who consoles her. We’re already in utter cliché territory here, that of the outcast protagonist who’s not like the other kids because they are Unique and Special and Creative.

This is followed by exposition on the wars of the First Age and the period immediately after, which isn’t badly handled (although the one large-scale battle scene we see is the kind of swirling every-man-for-himself melee that Hollywood loves and every commander goes to great lengths to avoid), which leads into Galadriel finding out that Sauron has slain her brother, who went looking for him. This sparks her quest to find him and bring him down, which involves taking a small band of elite warriors to the back of beyond. They finally end up mutinying when they don’t actually find anything besides a troll in an abandoned fortress (which involves a really goofy moment when Galadriel runs up the Zweihander sword of one of her comrades to deliver the killing blow to the thing), followed by her going back to Lindon with them. Oh, look, our protagonist is now The Only One Who Really Knows What’s Going On.

This is where we meet Elrond, who listens to her and begs her not to do anything rash at the ceremony the Elvenking, Gil-galad, is holding for their return, where they are granted passage to Valinor. Now, there are some issues with this—mostly the fact that for Elves, Tolkien does not treat such passage as something you earn—but in a moment of rare deviation from cliché, Galadriel holds her tongue and takes it.

When next we see her, she is on the ship bound for Valinor, and, just as they are about to pass there in a wonderful shot scene that really captures the transcendent nature of the journey to the West, a comet shoots across the sky and Galadriel jumps off the ship. In the middle of the ocean. Where there is no one else around, and no sign of land in any direction. Brilliant plan.

Meanwhile, Gil-galad informs Elrond that the magic tree that sustains the Elves in Middle Earth is dying (which has no support in the lore, but whatever), and that they need something to regenerate it or else they will have to leave Middle-Earth, and he has been assigned to help the master craftsman Celebrimbor figure something out. Okay, we have to save the kingdom now. What’s the next generic epic fantasy plotline for the show?

Next we come to the Harfoot/We all Know It’s Gandalf (who will now be called WAKIG) storyline, which is even worse. Our protagonist here is Nori (short for Eleanor) Brandyfoot, whose introduction is her taking the other children of the Harfoots, who are nomadic hobbits (which actually fits the established lore well), out past the safe zone to pick berries. She manages to get them back without incident after seeing wolf prints, and then has a conversation with her mother about how she wants an adventure and how the Harfoot lifestyle is stuck in a rut—literally, since they follow the same migration path every year. Oh, look, yet another Plucky Teenage Girl Who Feels Bound By The Restrictions Of Society. What is this, a YA fantasy novel?

This is followed by Nori seeing the previously-mentioned comet fall from the sky and hit the ground very near to the Harfoots, and she of course immediately goes there with her friend, Poppy, to investigate and finds WAKIG.

Then we have the Southlands storyline, which is a mess. First, we have a relationship between Bronwyn, a human woman and the local healer, and Arondir, a male Elf.  Oh, look, not only is it Forbidden Love, but it’s double Forbidden Love, because not only is it between a human and an Elf (kudos to the showrunners here—the Elf Arondir discusses this with thinks it’s a bad idea because “both times it’s happened it’s ended in tragedy” not “the humans are inferior”), but it is also between occupier and occupied, for the humans of the Southlands are descended from those who fought for Morgoth, and they understandably chafe under the apparently intrusive Elf occupation, although one wonders how intrusive this occupation can be, since the Southlands are of ambiguous but apparently substantial size and the Elvish garrison doesn’t seem to be very large, numbering maybe a dozen at most.

Anyway, the Elves are leaving, Arondir goes down to tell Bronwyn (whose son, Theo, resents the occupying Elves) that they’re leaving, and a local shows up with a cow giving black milk, which is bad. When asked if the cow has done anything odd lately, he tells them that it had wandered off east to graze beforehand, so our intrepid not-quite-a-couple go off to investigate. Oh look, it’s an unknown threat that appears to be blighting the land. Good night, what overdone and overused plot have we missed?

The thing is, making this episode better wouldn’t be that difficult. In the opening scene with Galadriel, cut out the other Elven kids. Instead, show her making the little paper boat with her brother, which will help with the idea that their relationship is close enough that she would go to the ends of Middle-Earth to avenge him. With the Harfoots, have Nori be okay with the rules that they live by, even though she’s inclined to bend them a bit, which will then make her decision to help WAKIG a result of personal inner conflict. Finally, make the relationship between Bronwyn and Arondir a platonic one, based on mutual respect for each other’s skills, which would be something to set the show apart and would give off an indication that the showrunners are going to respect the lore instead of throwing it out the window. All of these storytelling choices would have, if not eliminated, then certainly mitigated the “yet another generic epic fantasy” vibe this episode gives. However, with the choices the showrunners made, we got a category 5 cliché storm that I’m positive caused a lot of fence-sitters to turn away in disgust.

Dusting off the ole Soapbox

Hello friends and the two other people who read this blog.

It’s me, the most inconsistent blog post writer.

It’s been a while since we at the Soapbox published anything. That’s a mighty shame.

A lot has changed in the past years. We’ve grown a lot, bumped around the world a bit, and the world has certainly bumped back. We’ve seen a mighty few things change in the past year. For starters Donald Trump became president. What a weird sentence. Even though I worked for Marco Rubio’s senate reelection campaign in Florida (I will describe this more in future posts), I couldn’t help but sit in front of the TV for several hours the next few days as we cleaned out the campaign office, thinking to myself that I had fallen into a different reality where Thomas Wayne was really Batman and broccoli a delicious food.

I wasn’t the only one either.

Since that time I’ve had several adventures in campaign work, campaign like work, civic engagement, flying lessons, and so much more. I’ve learned a good many things along the way and I want to share all the lessons learned as best as I can. But for now I want you to know that I and the others here at the SoapBox Guild will continue our ramblings, late night discussions, observations, and silly back and forth. The world has gotten weirder and that’s why we are resurrecting this old throwback. It seems that the times have caught up with us.

Everyday presents a new political situation that people can’t wait to talk about. Everyday a new comedy. Everyday a new tragedy. This world we live throws some incredible loops our way. Friends, Americans, few faithful followers, lend us your eyes a few more minutes. Let this place be to you a haven of joyful weirdness in a world gone mad. We’ve got many new things to talk about, tales from work, life, friendship, and a list longer than Anna Karenina. So I’m blowing off the dust of this ole Soapbox. Get some popcorn, coffee, and a slice or two of avocado toast we’ve got some wild geese to chase!